|Review:||Santa In A Dress says:|
Hi there! Just in case the name above wasn't enough of a clue, I'm your Hufflepuff Secret Santa! :D
So, first impressions: I love the start to this story. I've never really read a Charlie-centred fanfiction before, so I'm really liking how original this one is.
You've done an excellent job in portraying Charlie's grief over Fred's death, and how Bill and Arthur react too. I like that you thought about the relationship between Bill and Charlie; as there's three or more years between Charlie and Percy it would make sense for the two eldest to become close. It's a refreshing change to see an author who pays attention to the little details! :) And of course, it's always good to see an under-loved character as the MC in a story!
I have to be honest: I found it interesting how Charlie didn't want to be comforted. I definitely wanted to hug him so badly and tell him that it wasn't his fault that Fred got killed; (Side note: what stopped him from getting to Fred quickly enough? Hmm- this may be answered in the other two chapters!) it was the Death Eaters' fault. Besides, if Charlie had died saving Fred's life, Fred would be alive and feeling guilty. Oh Charlie. You're stealing my heart. ♥
You definitely plunged into the action with this chapter; we're introduced to Charlie at one of his most vulnerable moments and I think that is a major contributing factor to how quickly we've fallen for this character. In the books we always see Charlie as this strong, up for a laugh man who tames dragons and participates in table fights to his mother's dismay- this is a whole new side to the character, and yet your definition of him just fits. I can actually believe that this is the same Charlie Weasley as from the HP books. :)
The only criticism I would have (and this is probably just me) is that we don't see much about the setting of the funeral. We know that Charlie goes outside, and then we see Molly sprawled over Fred's casket. Does this mean that Fred is buried in the garden of The Burrow, which I personally find somewhat unlikely, or is there a travel period in between where the Weasleys Apparate / use a Portkey / *insert other method of magical transport* to get to the funeral? I think you may want to highlight this, as I was slightly lost when suddenly we went from The Burrow to the funeral. But like I said earlier, this may just be me. :)
But overall, this is an excellent start to Keeping Secrets and I look forward to reading and reviewing the next two chapters! :D
Author's Response: EEEK!! *Gasps* Hello Santa!! Thank you SO Much for taking the time to read and review this for me!!
In all honesty, I've never really read a Charlie-central fic, either, so imagine my surprise when I realized I was going to be writing one! :P And I agree; I think Charlie is DEFINITELY an under-loved character, so I'm hoping this story will change that! And thank you; I'm glad to hear that I did a good job portraying Charlie's grief, as well as his relationship with Bill. It just kind of made sense to me that the two of them would be closer to each other than to the rest of the siblings.
Charlie is a bit of a martyr (at least in my opinion)... he feels guilty but doesn't want to be comforted because he thinks he deserves to be guilty... which he totally doesn't because you're right, it IS the Death Eaters' fault. And I hope your question about what kept him from getting to Fred was answered in the next chapter! Haha awww; I know! I can't help loving Charlie after this, either!
You know, I never really thought about it that way, but this definitely IS one of Charlie's most vulnerable moments! He definitely is portrayed as this tough guy in the books, but I really feel that there's so much more to him than that. EEEP! *Squees* I'm so glad you find the characterization believable! Honestly, after having written this, I really can't read Charlie in the books without connecting this softer side to him... but that's just my whole author's prejudice. XD
Thank you SO much for pointing out the confusion about the funeral; you're the first one to mention it! I hadn't really thought about it before, but I imagine that WOULD be a bit confusing! I will definitely take a look at editing that part!
Thank you SOOO MUCH!! ♥