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Review:academica says:
Okay, one more for tonight :)

Again--watch for inconsistencies. Hagrid didn't "single-handedly" deliver the trees, right, because Jane and the boys helped him in the last chapter :)

I really liked the character development in this chapter. It seems perfect for Sirius to purposefully get detention to see Jane, and for James to support him (after all the crazy things he's done for Lily). Speaking of James, I seem to remember giving you that idea of James filling her room with flowers. I'm glad you liked it enough to actually adopt it! I also really liked Jane's little anecdote about her mother and Bertie Botts. These details really helped make the chapter come alive for me and kept me hooked.

In the interest of further character development, don't be afraid to keep the pace slow. You've got an entire story to get Sirius and Jane to fall for each other, and it seems a bit hasty for her to feel like everything she thought about him was wrong after only a few hours of intense personal disclosure. I can definitely see her starting to question those assumptions, though, and wanting to get to know him and spend more time with him.

I really love how you pulled details from canon into this chapter. I found that to be one of the hardest parts of writing my own Marauders-era story, so I admire you for being able to keep the flow going so well. The only thing that would have made that better would have been to save a few moments there at the end for Jane to reflect on the night. I'm dying to know what she thinks of all this! :)

This story is really good. I'm enjoying reading it, and I'm glad we were able to work out the swap. Looking forward to picking it back up in a few days and seeing what you think of my next few chapters.


Author's Response: When I say that Hagrid single handedly delivered the trees, I meant that after James, Sirius and Jane helped him cut them down, he came back the next day and carried them to the castle. I see how it didn't make sense, though. I'll try to twist it around a bit to make it read better. Yeah, I thought that was rather sweet of Sirius to purposely get in trouble just to spend more time with Jane :)
Oh my gosh, that was you! Thanks for the idea, I was completely stumped for what to do about that. I'm glad you liked the Bertie Bott anecdote, it was rather fun to write actually. I know what you're saying about taking it slow. I do feel like these first chapters are going a little too fast, but really this is just the introduction to the story. Things will slow down. I love making my story as close to canon as possible. I've noticed you've done a similar thing, making sure to use particular canon spells and everything. It's important to me to have the timeline as close as possible to the original timeline. You're right. It would have been good to have a little of Jane's thoughts at the end, but never fear. We'll see how she's feeling in due course :)

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