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Review:academica says:
Hello, I've returned for chapter three :)

I see you tried to fix the wide spaces here, but I think the writing looks a bit cramped now. Once you go back in and edit it with the Simple Editor, all of this should be cleared up, no problem.

One thing that I noticed in this chapter were a few small inconsistencies. I don't know how far apart you published these chapters, but sometimes I have to go back and check old chapters when I update because I forget little details in my new chapters. For example, you stated in a previous chapter that James and Sirius were always separated for detention so they wouldn't goof off, but here they have detention together twice. You also mentioned that they were doing detention with Hagrid in the morning, so it didn't quite make sense for him to worry about them being out late. These are just little things for you to look out for.

I do like your ideas for detention, though! The Detention Chamber sounds like the place for the "worst of the worst" or repeat offenders. I bet it's miserable, especially when alone (or with someone you hate!). Hanging out with Hagrid and helping with trees, however, sounds like an awesome time. I'd say Jane, Sirius, and James lucked out there :)

I don't feel like too much happened in this chapter, but it was nice for Jane to bond with the boys a bit.

Again, the dream seems a little tacked on. If it's going to be a significant theme in the story, I would consider maybe spending a little more time describing the dreams and tracing their origin and meaning. I'm sure you'll get to that in time, though.

-Amanda

Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks for the tip. I'll definitely give Simple Editor a go.
I see what you mean. When I said that the Professors always separated James and Sirius for detentions, what I meant was, they often separated them for detentions. It may be my Australian exaggeration coming out. I'll change that to 'often' to avoid any inconsistency. I don't recall making the detention in the morning. I'll have to read through the chapter again. Yeah, the Detention Chamber would be awful, particularly if you're in there alone. But at least it's not like the Chokey from Matilda. I'll go over the dream part again, because I feel the same way.


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