Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:ChaosWednesday says:
Hey it's Whiskey from the forums! Sorry it took me so long to get to you!

All in all, this was a great one-shot, although I would advise you to go over it sometime and polish up some grammar and word-choice issues (for example the use of "arm" in two consecutive sentences towards the end). In a one-shot, this sort of thing stands out much more.

I liked how the narrator in nameless. It's a very poignant choice in a story about surrender to authority. It's also good that you didn't try to tell us his whole life story but threw in several sentences that would present just the highlights. In a way, I ad the impression he was intended to be completely normal in order to represent the others in that line with him. An everyman character is something not to be underestimated and can be very useful, but there is the danger of him loosing something in the process. For example in this story, I felt like his emotional world left something to be desired:

If I could advise you to change one thing, it would be to find a way to make his motivations/feelings clearer. Is he being forced into this? It seems like he made a choice to join the ranks of the Death Eaters...I don't remember anyone ever being forced to take the Dark Mark in the books, even when Voldemort was controlling the Ministry. He would only take the most loyal into his inner circle of Death Eaters, the rest would serve him without the mark. Either way, I missed a deeper emotional conflict. Somewhere at some point, he must have wanted this? Clearly, he is changing his mind now, but did he always think this way?

Besides that, I really did enjoy this :) Good luck and happy writing!

Author's Response: Wow! Thank you! You brought up some really good points, and all through out the review I was like oh! that's right! So thank you for that! I really appreciate your time, and once again, thank you for the review! :)

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 259
Submit Report: