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Review:CambAngst says:
Hi, there! I figured that I should tag you first at least once in the course of this wild, crazy month. And you delivered just what I needed!

You did an awesome job of capturing Pansy's brutal hangover. All of the physical details were perfect. I think most normal human beings would have called in sick. And boy does she wish she had by the end of the chapter...

One of the really neat things about this story -- at least for me -- is getting to watch Pansy learn things that most "normal" people figured out much earlier in life. Her incredibly proper, sheltered upbringing has left her so ill-equipped for any number of common situations. This generally does not work to her advantage, and in this case the consequences seem to be devastating to her. One small slip of the tongue, a bone she was trying to throw to Richards just so she could get away, proved to be so detrimental.

"Just a few more moments, just a few more moments, she chanted to herself. Just a few more moments and then I shall be free." - I did want to stop and say that I loved this line. I think we've all been there...

It was sad but very predictable to see Pansy bury herself in her work and begin to request odd shifts rather than deal with the aftermath of her mistake. As horrible as the consequences are in her fragile mental state, it's hard to watch her make things even worse by avoiding them. The way you wrote the scene in the office, with Theresa and Nicola passing notes, had this awful, high-school-esqe quality to it. It's always kind of amusing to compare the level of urgency Pansy ascribes to winning the approval of her coworkers to the way that they actually behave.

The shadows that seem to pursue Pansy through the dark corridors of the Ministry reminded me of her reflection in the mirror. Whenever she's under duress, it seems like her demons start to manifest themselves. She's still really not well.

I'm not quite sure what to say about her mother. I think I know what's happened, but we'll soon know for certain. You wrote the scene with a really interesting mix of sensitivity -- the way that Pansy assumes that her mother is asleep, the emotional defense mechanism of children everywhere -- and brusqueness -- the way that Pansy kicks her mother's knitting under the desk because it's ugly to her. The contrast seemed very appropriate to the relationship that the two of them share.

As I was reading, I noticed two things that might be typos:

"By the time she reached Mr Richards at his typical desk her head was pounding like and she cursed herself for not having any potions around the manor." - pounding like what?

"Even the fact that it was well lit could overpower the eeriness of hearing oneís footsteps echo up and down the corridor and Pansy had developed the habit of hurrying through it." - did you mean to say, "couldn't overpower"?

This was a very sad, touching chapter. I love the way you pace this story, gradually following Pansy through her highs and lows. You also brought several seemingly unrelated plot threads together into this awful moment in her life. Very nice storytelling. Great job and happy holidays!

Author's Response: Hello! I'm so sorry it's taken me such a long time to respond. I've just been super busy and finally have a free moment to respond your fantastic (as always) review!

I'm so glad that the description of the hangover seemed realistic! I wrote it based upon descriptions I'd read in other stories, not upon personal experience. :P

I'm glad that you're enjoying the story! One of the interesting things that I'm now finding is that as I write, it's easier to slip into her mindset and write from the point of view of someone who's never experienced so many common things.

Yes, no one in this scene has quite grown up, even though they're dealing with more grown-up topics. At least Pansy has the excuse of an isolated childhood...

You've hit the nail on the head with your comment about when her demons start to manifest. Her reflection may even reappear soon... :)

I'm glad that the scene with her mother fit the relationship that they share. As I may have said before, writing the scenes between the pair is very interesting because there's so much hesitation and tension between them.

Thanks for pointing out the typos! I'll go back and fix them!

Thank you so much for your comments on this chapter! I'm really glad that you liked it and thought that it was believable because it contains one of the changing points of the story... :D Happy holidays!


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