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Review:Calypso says:
Hey there- CalypsoJenna from the forums here with your requested review. (I should be revising, leaving me with nothing to do but fill your request :P)

I was blown away by this! Just brilliant!

First of all is your use of language, which fitted the story perfectly. You write with such incredible flow, reading this chapter was absolutely effortless. The way you bring across Narcissa's emotions is honestly flawless- understated, yet powerful. I found myself really feeling for Narcissa (who is not always the most sympathetic of characters.) The vocabularly you use describing her feelings for the child she has not had is so touching.
Little details like her red nose and her fondness for the bay windows made this piece of writing even better. The way you described the scenery throughout this piece added so much- it made your writing even more vivid.

You mentioned that you were concerned about the characterisation of Narcissia, but I really don't think you need to worry. I thought that you caught the icy pride that hides her real, deep emotions wonderfully well in here. Her desperation for a child so exactly explains her possessive protection of Draco, and seems to fit in with her personality. I also thought you nailed her relationship with Lucius- his wordless comfort after she'd been disappointed again, but then the feeling that his was the final word when she raised adoption.

I also really admire the way you've structured this chapter, with the different months. It made Narcissa's plight, that awful sense of waiting all the more painful.

And then the drama of the ending! I'm honestly on tenterhooks over what her desperation has driven her to do, and the consequences that it will have...

The only small thing I would raise is that I'm not sure that Narcissa would think of herself as a "Mom." Maybe substitute with Mum, or Mama, or Mother? Just a thought.

I thought this was a fantastic piece of writing. The flow, the characterisation... just superb. I'll definitely be waiting for the next chapter! :)



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