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Review:justonemorefic says:
Ah I love the second paragraph and how she explains why it isn't her Mum, there's some good imagery in there Red lips and not this blue as if she had bitten on the wrong of the end of a quill. I can totally see how the banner fits this story, because I can see a lot of color in Molly's dream (or not-dream). Ah, I spot a typo (I think, anyway). The only times her eyes are closed is -> 'is' should be 'are'

Ooh, I wonder a bit about her family now, trying to pick apart what is the dream and what she really thinks of her family - especially since a dream can reveal the truths! I couldn't get as clear of a picture in the middle sometimes, because the scenes were changing quite quickly. I think it's handled well for something that is supposed to be confusing, but there were points where I wasn't sure what sort of description I should be focusing on, since there were a lot of adjectives at times, so just a bit of cleaning up of descriptions might improve the flow.

The end, I think has some great imagery too! This is quite heartbreaking to see: “I’m sorry, she was-” Is, I correct in my head. She is. Is, is, is. and The three of us. Such an incomplete number. I really really love these lines :D

Lovely first chapter!

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for how long it's taken to get back to you with this!!! *hides in shame*

I think i might have confused you with this. It's not her mum that she's confused with, it's her sister. I think it was my wording though at the beginning that might have made that less clear.

I'll definitely look into cleaning it up a bit. Though, I think you took the whole dream this a bit too literally which is why this may have thrown you into a loop. Part of me is happy you did because it does play a part later on in the story and it will get a bit more confusing (for Molly). However not to the extent where she lives in a dream land and no one can figure out what's going on. I hope that is clearer next chapter though i'm still planning on looking over this one to make sure my point is clear. :D

I'm really happy you liked the imagery though, thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing this story! I appreciate it a lot! :P


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