Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:justonemorefic says:
Eee, I love the first paragraph about Lily's Halloweens; it's such a unique way to show the difference in her life before and after Hogwarts.

D'aw Remus. Hearing about his 'many illnesses' just makes me want to hug him. And Sirius and family tsk.

Ah, there are two sentences when Peter comes in, She didnít know him as well as Remus... and He didnít know her very well..., they seem a bit oddly matched so close in proximity to one another.

D'aw, I like the, err I don't know how to describe it other than, 'normalness' of Lily and James' first interaction since the incident. Usually I see their first interactions as so overblown, but this is something I'd genuinely imagine from them, cute and with all the awkwardness of a long-needed apology that can really only be solved with Bertie Botts :'D

And baww, the second amends of the day, and this one is just heartbreaking! Holes in his trousers too, can't win.

There's occasional changes in PoV from Lily's and I'm not sure if it's intentional, but I think it would flow better if the whole chapter were just in her PoV, as these shifts are usually just for a sentence or two (once with Peter, and a few times in Sev's scene), and detracts more from the flow than they add.

And I enjoyed Lily's PoV a lot! :) So breezy, still the start of the year, with not *so* many worries.



Author's Response: Hi Gina! Sorry this response took so long!

Describing Lily's Halloween experience is still one of my favorite parts of this chapter. It's so whimsical and pretty, which feels good in the knowledge that the wizarding world is about to hit a very dark downturn. Maybe that's why I like writing Lily in the first place.

It's great that the characterization worked for you! I don't really ship Jily, but I like them when they're 'normal,' as you said, instead of screaming at one another or mistakenly ending up together after a particularly wild party. I consciously tried to avoid overblown.

Thanks for the crit, too. I'll have to go back and re-check that section with Peter. As for the POV changes, I think they're probably here to stay, just because there are parts where other characters have thoughts that the main narrators won't be able to perceive. I'll take another look just in case, though.

Thanks for this lovely review :)

-Amanda


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 590
Submit Report: