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Review:Toujours Padfoot says:
I LOVE THIS. WHERE HAS IT BEEN ALL OF MY LIFE.

Crack and parodies are two of my very favorite things, which were both expertly combined into a story in which the stately ladies run to MAC counters for their make-up before a ball and gentlemen are compared to men from future eras just for the sake of painting a picture for the audience, even though it makes no sense to the characters whatsoever.

I snorted when Hermione burst onto the scene looking for a Sirius or Remus to fall in love with. Wouldn't it be something if she fell in love with Peter instead, thereby preventing Peter's deflection to the dark side? It makes perfect sense that Hermione, the brilliant young girl that she is, would find it absolutely necessary to stop everything, go back in time, and frolic in the Room of Requirement with Sirius while he resolves to ~change his ways~ because of his ~deep and abiding love for her~ (or, in a twist of events, seduce Remus for a while before he declares that he loves his books and chocolate much more and gives her permission to go back to Sirius and have lots of teenage pregnancies with him). Never mind that she could use the timeturner for saving lives and killing Voldemort, etc. Those are small potatoes in light of Sirius's eyes (which are the color of fog rising off the ocean in waves of steam and smoke and the sparkly residue of old Christmas tree ornaments).

Salazar-Jonas's proportionately evil eyebrows were a marvelous detail. One cannot be truly evil without the perfectly plucked eyebrows that signal to the world that he is indeed a villain. A villain who pouts that he must have his "monster room".

ULTIMATE DEATH ARENA. OMG I CAN'T. Their arguing. I love their arguing because in context it is so childish but they speak so formally and it's delightful. Of course Rowena only turns down the monster room because basilisks don't teach people anything. And Helga, well. Helga exists to have blonde ringlets and sing back-up. She can't have a bigger role than that because her name sounds like she should be wearing a Viking helmet.

But I do believe I have found a massive plot hole in your story. I regret to say it. But I'm boggled about how Helga recognized her at the very end after Rowena slipped a mask out of her bodice and put it on. Everyone knows that a mask (even if it's so small that it literally only covers the pupils of your eyes and nothing else) renders the wearer totally unrecognizable. One cannot possibly tell who you are based on the rest of your face.

lol

Hilarious chapter! I am definitely going to read the other two.

Author's Response: DUDE THIS STORY IS EPIC. I'm glad you liked it ;)

Parody HP is just so much fun. This is a crack-fic, isn't it? Never really thought of it that way. But it pretty much is. As much random stuff as I could pack in here. I wedged queue cliches in with a crowbar!

You need to check out the next chapter, when the characters ask about the site rules and TOS. That's my favorite bit haha. I was writing with no idea of where to go and suddenly it just happened. They really did write themselves.

Hermione should totally fall in love with Peter! But of course Sirius is more interesting ;) Teenage Hermione/Sirius pregnancies are totally NECESSARY TO OUR WELL-BEING. Saving lifes? Defeating dark lords? Piffle. TEENAGE HORMONES. NAUGHTY TIMES IN THE ROR.

I can't believe you called Sirius's eyes "eyes". They are orbs. Silvery orbs, the color of fog rising off the oceans if fog were sparkly and sexy. Orbs.

Thin eyebrows are the hallmark of every true villain. I bet Darth Vader gets his waxed twice a month, so even under his helmet he'll still look appropriately villainous.

OH MY GOD THE MASK. I can't believe I missed that. Of course no one would know her any more! No one can recognize someone they've known for years if they cover up the two square inches around their eyes! *shakes fist at past self*

Thank you for reviewing ;)


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