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Review:Elenia says:
Hi, I'm here to return the Holiday review ^^

Oh Percy, he's such a misunderstood character in the books. He deserves a lot more attention and credit that he's been receiving (:

I did like your version of Percy, even though it's a bit different than the way I see him. But I think it worked. I could see recognizable characteristics in him and he seems to be an interesting protagonist. And Audrey! She was a lot closer to the way I picture her! Refreshing, that was the way Percy saw her, and I think that was exactly the reason he fell for her.

Your writing is very good and your descriptions were great! Everything flowed really well and the chapter held its interesting the whole time! That's always very important with first chapters, so I think you did a really good job (:

I would've liked to see Percy at least hesitating a bit before opening up to Audrey. I felt that happened a bit too easily. Maybe add a few lines about why he thought it was so easy to talk to her?

This might just be a personal preference, but I'd add fix the spacing. I just think it reads better if there's an empty line between the dialoque too (:

Anyways, this is a really good start! Hopefully you'll continue it soon (:

Take care!


Author's Response: Hey!

Thanks for reviewing! I totally agree with you, he definitely deserves a lot more attention, and he is such a troubled soul. I'm glad that you think that it worked, and yes, that's exactly why he fell for her!

Thank you! I'm glad that it flows well, that was the one main concern that I had, as with every first chapter, you've got to nail it :)

I did actually think about that before putting it in the queue, but I never did anything to change it. I guess after your advice, i'll finally get round to doing it!

Sure thing! I'll fix that too asap. Thank you!
All these holiday review swaps have put me in the writing mood, so don't fear, a new chapter is on its way ;)

Thank you for such a sweet review!
- Abhi

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