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Review:Roots in Water says:
It's Roots in Water here with your review! I'm sorry for the long delay in giving it to you. Unfortunatley, I've been really busy.

I think that you have a very good idea here; the plot is interesting and original. Poor Neville never seems to have the best of luck, does he? I really liked your characterization of Neville. He still had elements of his self-deprecating humour and he summoned his Gryffindor courage when it was most necessary (of course it wouldn't come out for anything less). I also found his comments and worries about his wedding with Hannah very amusing, accurate and believable as they were. I do hope that he finds the perfect spot for his honeymoon.

Though your characterization of Neville was fantastic, I found your characterization of Luna a little rough. Though her love for strange creatures was definitely present, I didn't think that she spoke with the proper air of mystery. In the books her comments tended to be insightful and slightly random- they never quite fit squarely into the conversation. Even though she's grown here, I think that elements of the tendency would still remain.

As I mentioned above, you have a very interesting plot here and I think that you have a lot of room to expand it. My first thought wouldn't necessarily be to expand the plot beyond what you have here but rather to explore and delve deeper into the plot points you already have. Perhaps you could have (comedic) scenes where Neville is with Hannah and they're planning their wedding... Perhaps you could show his meeting with Charlie and Luna before he went on the expedition to see the cottage.

As well, I think that you could (and should) definitely expand on the theft of dragons' eggs, especially if you're planning on turning this story into more of a mystery than action. Perhaps Neville could stumble and blunder his way into the middle of the case and somehow solve it, just like he did in this chapter with his discovery of the hidden cache of dragon eggs.

I think that your story would become just that much better (not that it's not good already, just to be clear) if you expand on the scenes you've already written. Describe more of the scenery, explore more of Neville's reasoning for being at the scene and his reasoning for his actions. I think that adding more detail to the story would also help with the flow of the story as it will give slightly more depth to the story.

However, just to be clear, I think that you have an excellent base for a story. Your characterization and plot are both interesting and largely well done. You've given yourself a lot of room to expand your story from.

All in all, your story is off to a great start and I'd be very curious to see just how you expand it. Thanks for requesting and I hope that I delivered on the "Extreme Makeover version of CC". :D

Author's Response:
Extreme Makeover CC!!

I love it! Thanks so much for taking the time to dig into what I've done with this one-shot. Some of your ideas have been bouncing around in my head. Now all I need to do is pick a direction.

I AM having a hard time with Luna. Occasionally, I'll get some ideas, but nothing has really worked out to my satisfaction yet. Maybe the muse needs to chew more cud before we can step out on a ledge with that one. Your words regarding her characterization helped a lot. I will definitely keep the "air of mystery" and "never quite fit into the conversation" ideas in mind next time I try her.

I really had a difficult time with the word count limit when I wrote this for the challenge. The plot kept expanding out of control and I had to tear it back down to get anything cohesive to fit. That said, I do have a lot of material in my head to work with for this, but as I said before, there's that choosing the direction thing.

Thanks so much for your comments. They were Extremely helpful!!


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