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Review:Roots in Water says:
Hello!

This was a very interesting piece to read- and very different from "All that Glitters". It's very interesting to see the contrast between the situations and the difference in the characters' reactions... Here, Molly rapidly breaks down over the break up of her relationship. There, Eleanor is slowly worn down by the war. I think that you've done a fantastic job of writing both of the very separate reactions.

I really liked your style of writing here. It was detached, which worked perfectly (:D) with Molly's feelings. She felt apart from the world, touching down only in explosive moments. As well, the repetition of the word "perfect" and its opposite was beautifully done because it really emphasized Molly's loss and incomprehension of the situation. Everything had been perfect- why had it broken down? Why was her life destructing around her?

I'm very curious as to why Lysandar broke up with her. I noticed a small hint when you wrote "the dull and the bright", which I took to mean that Lysandar was very intelligent and Molly sometimes felt inadequate next to him. And then it seems that Lysandar wanted something different... Though I don't think that he wanted Molly to change, necessarily. My guess is that he felt that there was something missing from their relationship. Am I close? :)

I noticed one small typo: with the phrase"gleaming were pictures" I think you meant "where" instead of "were".

As well, I noticed that several times you wrote Molly's thoughts into the story. I think that you should italicize them, so that it's clear that they're thoughts, or else it can become slightly confusing between the dialogue and the description. :)

I think that you did a great job with the ending because it really highlghts Molly's mental troubles as well as giving her a poor and sad sense of triumph.

All in all, I really enjoyed reading this story and I think that you did a great job of creating an emotional scene with such few words. Great work! :D

Author's Response: Hey Roots! Sorry for the massive delay in responding to this! I didn't get a ton of review swaps, however, they all came within a few days and they sort of piled up...

I'm really glad you liked the style of this. It was, and still is for that matter, one of my favourite pieces to write. It was done more in a stream of conscious style trying to capture this moment where someone's life completely falls apart. Also, Molly's own slight OCD tendencies and all her plans for the future made it that much more startling and horrifying to see to an extent. It wasn't something she could put into her schema's because none of it made sense because they were 'supposed' to be together forever, their plans said so.

Why Lysander left? I understand why you wonder and i left that more up to the reader in this as i was more interested to see Molly's reaction to his betrayal. Though, i'd say he left partly because there was something missing but mostly because he couldn't be part of her perfect little picture anymore, he couldn't be the perfect man for her perfect version of the world. Sometimes, things just cave, the stop existing, the love he felt for her once drifted away or was lost. Which is why she asks him "am i perfect now Lysander?" it's sort of quoting back to him some of his words that he said to her during his explanation. The dull and the bright, is almost like you said but i imagined it more like him bright like a flame, his character shone and she felt dull and lifeless next to him.

Thank you so much for your thoughtful review! I really appreciate it so much and i'm glad you liked the ending, so many stories end with hope, that the character has learned from their mistakes, Molly just falls right back into her old patterns though because it's the only thing she knows how to do.

Thanks again!! :P


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