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Review:justonemorefic says:
Love the opening paragraph, something about middle-aged men and slaps can't help but pique a bit of interest. Viktor's deadened gaze, too, on the cinderblock wall, and then dropping the truth of the location - a madhouse. Love love lovely ways to write the setting, because it is quite something to describe a featureless room :3 I will say that parts of the beginning were a touch confusing, like in the man in the suit was forced to watch as his captorís attention seemed to drift further, it seems to say that Viktor is the captor, or maybe I'm reading it oddly. The beginning of their dialogue, was a little slow, due to the way the descriptions and the dialogue were intercut - but again, might be how I read. I think it's mostly due to paragraph breaks and possibly the frequent phrases; the additional description slows it down, especially alongside dialogue tags, and it is sometimes repetitious (lifeless, devoid of all emotion).

But oh man, once you rile up Viktor. I really wish I could pronounce government pig like him. His first mention of the book, actually, that's where I sort of sat up straighter. It's meant to jar, I would think, and it's so Krum, that casual narcissism we know from the books. And I've always felt that he is stubbornly emotional, so as broken as he seems, I was waiting for him to snap, and I wasn't disappointed :D The image of Krum facing his new book when the man holds it up, when he taunted but moments before, and the fact that it was supposed to be a surprise. I would've liked to see more of the suited man's reactions overall, but his parting words were totally chilling, and lordy what a set-up. I loved how you set up the importance of her name and the slow leadup to the last lines, because it absolutely made them.

It's great to finally read a bit of this fic after hearing of it and seeing it updated so often! ♥

Author's Response: Your review sums up a lot of how I feel about this chapter. I really don't care for it all that much for many of the reasons you mentioned (though I did fix the typo you pointed out, so at least that part isn't so confusing anymore!). I really didn't have a full sense of what was happening in this scene when I wrote it -- where exactly the story would go -- which I think may be part of why it doesn't work particularly well. In fact, I'd have probably deleted it a long time ago and just let the next chapter be the opening, but I couldn't bring myself to loose the reviews. I don't really feel it's my best foot forward though...

I am glad it picked up for you towards the end. I see Krum the same way. Though I try to show a softer side of him in later chapters, there is no getting around his arrogance or the fact that he's damaged goods...like a child-star gone wrong.

Thanks so much for the feedback. It's always a treat to get a review from someone who's written as much as you have. I'm only sorry this wasn't one of my "better" efforts.


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