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Review:justonemorefic says:
I love that you're dealing with a long-distance relationship, because there's so much messiness in that. You consider so many of the subtle differences of how they're treating their departure from Hogwarts, from how they were like when they're in it and how they expect their life to change. Even though it's Tonk's narrations, the details she slips in about Charlie, like the differences in their family life, expand both of their characterization sort of sneakily.

I think the first section, at the moment the description feels a little generic. I can sum that part up into, they were destructive but irrevocably in love, and I see the emphasis on that point, but some of the additional descriptions used don't really add anything, like He made me his everything, the way I made him mine or Loving each other too much. Itís like that fire that you just keep adding fuel too. These are common phrases that feel a bit filler and I don't really learn anything new from it, so I think there are better ways to describe it.

I like the intimacy in their interaction (though I think Tonks veers a bit into gushy at times); I can feel the strain hiding behind their words, and I think this part especially: How was I supposed to tell him that I understood, when it took every ounce of control to keep my composure?/ďI need to get back to the Great HallóĒ shows Tonks' conflict really well. There's something particularly real about that juxtaposition. Though the angst doesn't last for much longer ;D

And ending on such a cute scene! Hee, Charlie teasing Tonks for thinking he'd break up with her. And then Ashton walking in oh la la. Trouble will follow! 8D

Author's Response: Hi darling! Long distance definitely gets messy. My fiancé is in the military and we've done it too many times, and in my head these two just weren't cutout for it. But they tried so hard and wanted it so much that it was almost worse than not trying hard enough.

I'll definitely look over the first section and play with more subtle and necessary ways of getting the feelings across. That first section comes in again at the end when Tonk's is looking back, deciding what road to take, so i really want it to be right. Thanks for pointing that out ♥

I'm so happy you felt Tonks's jumble of emotions during the section where she just wants it to be over and to get out. She's such a hard character for me to write, and knowing you felt like that part was realistic is such an awesome compliment!

Thank you so much for stopping by, your review had been helpful while still making me smile ♥

Jami


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