Hey there! Sorry it took me so long to get to your review, but there are these evil things called exams, and they have an appetite for time :P
I still really love the narrative voice! In the last chapter you sort of went overboard with the sarcasm and classic tomboyishness (especially during the conversation in the break room. I think I might have forgotten to mention it in my last review, I'm not sure...). But here it was nearly perfect: fast-paced, graphic and funny!
I am still slightly concerned about the characters, though. They are consistent and fun, but somehow flat. The perfect freind who has a carreer,boyfriend, looks,patience, everything in the world? I can't really picture her because, although she seems to fit an idea very well, she isn't really a person, but a type. We have met her many times before, in different films and stories. I also can't quite picture Rose. She is the "normal girl" type, the one who likes Cosmopolitans and carries a mirror around to fix her lipstick...ok, that explains what KIND of person she is, but not really what it would be like to meet her. Do you understand what I mean? What you are doing here is a good tactic for creating secondary characters: giving us the characteristics that would help us place them into already popularly-established categories our-selves. But I like to see characters show us that, yes, they are a stereotype (most people are), but there are things they do that are unique to their personality and demonstrate either a very charactersitic way of maintaining their chosen stereotype or imply some sort of inner conflict. Basically, no one is just a tomboy, a popular girl, an overachiever etc.They all have very specific ways of living out these stereotypes. Usually,all it takes is one or two details. I am not telling you to give every minor character a spin-off! I hope I'm making sense. What you are doing here is used very often and there is nothing wrong with it. But I believe that the difference between a spot-on stereotype and a complex character (no matter how minor) is what makes the difference between good entertainment and good literature. The only reason I am being picky about this is because this story is very good and could use some minor changes that would make it awesome.
Oh, one more thing that I notice many people forget to take into account: The War was,what, no more than 10 years ago? I know people move on fast, but surely not from something like that? What were your characters doing in the war? Who did they lose? What is the world like now, is there any collective guilt, are there ideological movements that resulted from the war?
All in all, this chapter was very good, you built up some suspence (what happened to Krum's accent??), moved the plot along, told us more about Edie.
I'll r&r the 4th chapter as well I think, quite looking forward to it! cheers!
Author's Response: Oh, yes, I have heard of these exams. They are very evil indeed, from what I can remember! I'm glad you survived and were even so kind as to review my story :3
I actually considered taking out the bit with Mildred in the kitchens at WW, but I haven't quite decided yet. Maybe when the story is finished and I'm making my final cuts, because I totally agree with you ;)
I really appreciate your suggestions about my minor characters--I've been trying to give Lisa more of a sarcastic side as I've been writing to make her less of the two-dimensional supporting role of best friend, but I guess I'm still falling short... I'll probably send you a PM if that's all right, because I want to develop Rose and Lisa as much as possible. I feel like *I* know them inside and out, and all their little quirks, but I guess I'm not conveying it well.
I also realize that I totally am ignoring the war, and I guess that my story is slightly AU for it, but I felt as though there were a lot of post-war fics on HPFF that were focusing on the post-war, and I wanted to emphasize a culture rebuilding itself. Not to say that it's something that needs to be ignored, or anything, but I just wanted to try my hand at not writing angst/drama and I think this was my way of doing that. :)
Thank you so much for the very helpful review, as always!