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Review:marinahill says:
Don't we all know that feeling? When you're stressed and everything just seems awful and out to get you. I don't blame Marianna for shouting.

I really enjoyed the narrative here. It was so well done, especially in third person narrative, which tends to make it harder to write a good inner-narrative than first person point of view. I thought it was a really realistic and appropriate portrayal of the stress that comes with being a student and being in school. She has to put up with all her workload and friend dramas at the same time, so no wonder she snapped.

If I had to offer some criticism, I'd maybe go back and read the dialogue aloud. It was a bit stiff, which suited Flitwick very well and was more appropriate for his age, but I thought it was a tiny bit formal for Marianna. Other than that, I thought everything was really well done, the narrative voice especially.

Well done and Merry Christmas!

Author's Response: I most certainly have had those days where you just want to crawl under your covers and stay there forever. Sadly, the world doesn't allow you to do that.

I'm glad that you enjoyed the story. I find first-person harder to write than third-person, so I'm glad that third-person worked for you. I'm also very pleased to hear that Marianna's reaction was believable. :)

I'll go back and look at the dialogue. When I was writing it I used formal language because that was how I pictured Marianna acting but perhaps I went overboard... She is just a teenager, after all.

Thank you and Happy Holidays!


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