Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
Hello, shadow! I'm here returning the favor for the holiday review swap.

First, I have to say, what an interesting idea for a story. When I read the summary in your thread, I just had to check it out. I love when authors create or use new magical elements. I can't help but wonder how Ron and Hermione got exposed to the Memory Dust, and who might have had a hand in it.

On to the chapter itself. It was really nice to get a glimpse into the lives of the characters straight away. The idea of Ginny with that scrapbook was very touching. I can absolutely imagine her collecting clues that might lead to her missing brother and friend. I would expect someone in her shoes to feel a little desperate, like she needs to do *something* to bring them home. I also like how you hinted at the toll it's all taking on her and Harry's relationship the way tragedy sometimes pulls couples apart. I can't help but wonder though why Harry has given up on his friends. Knowing his character, I'd expect him to be out there looking for them, no matter how long they'd been gone.

It was fun to see Ron and Hermione portrayed this way, living separate. lives (until the end, of course!) Even though they don't remember who they are, they still have a lot of their personalities intact. Ron is still a little goofy, perhaps contented to live below his potential, and Hermione is still the studious, hard-worker she always was, unable to pass up the chance to get some paperwork done.

If you don't mind a little CC, I'd suggest looking for opportunities to punch up your descriptions by being a little more specific at times. I'm thinking, for example, in this section, "A young girl hummed to herself her favourite song from Bryan Adams, placing various groceries on shelves in a grocery store." You could have said what exactly she was unloading (canned beets, fresh loaves of bread, milk cartons that were nearing their expiration date). Each of these (or any item you liked), conjure up something just a little different. The bread would bring to mind a specific smell, the nearly-expired milk might suggest she doesn't work in the most reputable of establishments, etc. (Also, don't forget, you aren't supposed to use the names of actual living people in your stories. For legal reasons, it's against the site rules ;))

Thanks for picking me as one of your swaps for the review exchange and sharing your story with me. It's a lot of fun getting to read all these new stories. Happy Holidays!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 947
Submit Report: