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Review:hedwigs_theme says:
Hi it's potterweasleygranger from the review thread here to give you a review.

This is a great start to what seems like a mysterious, angsty story that seems to have a creative plot.

Firstly, I love your description. I've read many stories that never have enough description or and I've read many that have way too much that it gets boring. However you have written the perfect amount of description so that the reader can picture everything in his/her head and not get bored. You are to be commended for this!!!

I also really like your OC's name Persephone Fay. They are both unusual names (although I understand that Persephone was a character in Greek Mythology) and fit together well!

I know that this chapter was probably meant to be short for effect but however, I became really sucked in and was enjoying the story and then suddenly it was over! I think that maybe for your next chapters, you should try to up the word count byt a little bit more!

Lastly, I LOVE your last sentence, "it was time". One of my favourite things is when an author uses the technique of keeping the reader 'hanging" which I'm sure who have heard of before. I love how you use that technique here because seeing that made me automatically think "time for what???" "what's going to happen next, I want to read on!" And that is how you attract more readers!!! So congratulations on the usage of that :D

Overall a wonderful start to a mysterious story and I will come back to read on (when I find the time)!

9.5/10!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review!!

I'm glad I made you want to read on, and I hope you find the time to do that quite soon!! I really tried to make the first chapter seem very suspenseful and dark. Sorry it was so short, but it actually started as something I just started writing one day, and then it turned into an actual idea. I wrote it as it came to me, and that was how it needed to end to set up for the next part. :)

Thanks for your lovely compliments!!

~UnluckyStar57



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