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Review:shadowycorner says:
I don't think fragmented sentences are such a crime. Sure, it's not good when one overuses them (like I sometimes do, unfortunately), but they have a certain purpose in a narration and there are places they fit into. I know I'm not a grammar or flow master, but I didn't have such a problem reading this and following. I kind of got wrapped by the writing in a nice, though heartbreaking way.

You really plunge deeper and deeper into George's grief. The funeral section where he took on Fred's appearance was very unsettling and disturbing, but I understand. There's not many people who can quite imagine the huge aching pain that he must have inside him, and it's still so numbing and fresh. I can see how he struggles, not in the usual way but in a completely frenzy and crazy way.

This story's starting to be very eerie, in a good way so far. I can sort of feel Fred's lingering presence everywhere, just as George describes it. It's painful, that's what it is, and you're invoking these emotions within me very well you evil writer! (I meant that in a very positive way, you're amazing -huggles-)

You give George an amazingly raw touch, to his character and grief. Thank God I've never yet experienced losing someone that close to me, but I can imagine this is what it really feels like. Being in George's crumbling mind just kills me, I miss Fred so much! This is just so wrong, WHY JKR WHY?

-sigh-

Anyway, I think this chapter was great. Terribly sad, but for some reason I'm a sucker for sad things. And your writing is haunting and beautiful in places.

Great job. :)

Liz

Author's Response: Hello Liz, thanks for your lovely review! I'm glad you got through this chapter! I wasn't sure if many people would like it too much, because there's hardly any action, and just, well...a bunch of other ridiculous stuff :D And if you're feeling so very sad, then yes, you should blame JKR! She's the one who killed off Fred! Although after she did that there has been a whole bunch of evil writers like me who keep writing about it and making others sad...bahaha!

Anyways...thanks once again for your review, and thanks for choosing to do the swap with me! Wheee! Happy hols to you!

-teh

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