Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Aphoride says:
Hey there!

I love how you've chosen something different for your main character to be doing in Next Gen - most Next Gen stories are flooded with students or Aurors or Healers and it does get a little dull after a while. Radio is so different and really pretty interesting. I love the little touches you've given it as well - with the broadcasting orb and things. A very believable substitute for a camera and recording equipment.

Your OC seems kinda interesting too, although I don't really feel like I know enough about her to say whether I like her or not and how interesting she is. I dunno... it just doesn't seem to me like there's enough information in here to get me completely interesting and involved in this. It's a fantastic beginning, don't get me wrong, but maybe you could put a bit more plot in it? Introduce some kind of tension or potential problem?

Also, there are a couple of capitalising errors in the beginning speech. 'Good afternoon' shouldn't be capitalised, and I don't think 'news' should be, either... it doesn't seem right to me... I get that you probably chose the order of your statements to fit in with the other broadcaster talking, but I'm not sure that order works very well - they always deal with the most important stories first, as a general rule, and a robbery (which, again, shouldn't be capitalised - crimes are never capitalised ;) ) doesn't seem to be the most important thing. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure it would be mentioned, seeing as it's hardly a major crime. It might be important to your plot that you mention it (I dunno) but if it's not, maybe take it out, juggle the order or change it to something a bit more dangerous and important.

I'm being a bit picky with this, though mostly because I really like the idea you've got - it's brilliant. The whole use of radio and an OC Next Gen character as the star without adding 'ooh, will she choose James or Albus/Louis or Fred/etc.' or 'ooh, she totally hates him, but she really loves him, you know' is just great. I really wanna know where this goes and how the radio comes into your plot!

I really enjoyed this! :D

Aph xx

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely long, detailed review!

It's funny, the orbs were the moment thing- perhaps I was subconsciously trying to create another association for them other than Draco's eyes, haha!

I agree that it's often very hard to know whether an OC is interesting by the first chapter! I hope Grace is interesting, though!

Thank you for all the capitalization pointers! I really am terrible when it comes to capitalisation- I've only just got out of the habit of capitalising absolutely everything!

I actually thought a lot about that robbery (which isn't important to my plot, haha). It seems that, mostly, the wizarding world isn't very violent (except when voldermort and other dark wizards are around) and, also, *blushes* because it gave me a chance to include my very favorite character!

Again, thank you so much for the review!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 390
Submit Report: