Hello hello hello! I'm finally here from the forums with your review and I'm so excited to get to read this story. Really, this is a brilliant idea. I suppose I should actually read the chapter before I start fangirling though, so--onward!
I think your use of language really lends itself to the story. Hermione is an interesting character here; I feel compelled to say that her comment about "haughty little dinner parties" seems a bit OOC to me, but this is going to be difficult because she is no longer the seventeen year-old witch who was sometimes too shy and polite to ever say something like that. It just seems a bit terse for me, more like something that Ron would say, and I always imagined Hermione as being highly professional. However, I feel like I'm reading JKR's own words when she says, "The fact that an injustice has existed for generations is not an excuse to perpetuate it."
The bit about Dennis Creevey is so sad, yet believable, as well as her passions about it. I can't imagine Hermione doing anything else but Magical Law.
Oh my gosh. I love that she was practicing with Albus! What a nice little surprise. :) I liked his joke about someone still being mad about her curving the test while she was in school. Their relationship of master and protege, aunt and nephew is really adorable.
I thought that the Order disbanded after Voldemort's death though? I actually just read something from an article with JKR that listed a bunch of things not specifically stated in the book, and this was one of them, so I suppose it doesn't technically make that bit of this story AU.
Okay, I take back what I said--I love your characterization of Hermione. It's always been so wonderful to have an intelligent, opinionated heroine in contemporary literature (especially one that young girls read) and I think you've expanded on that wonderfully here. I had to physically stop myself from jumping up and down in an "Oh snap!" fashion at her response "You've proven everything you'll ever need to." XD
How disgusting that only half of the members of the Wizengamot showed up for his parole hearing. And then they were unconcerned entirely, and one of them even said "a simple parole hearing." You've captured beautifully the sickening tendencies of people in power to become lackadaisical and disenchanted with the extreme power they have. I feel just as frustrated as Hermione and Albus do--really nice job evoking a desired feeling from the reader.
And I am really, genuinely terrified of Greyback. I've always felt even more frightened by him than I have Voldemort in the books. And your characterization is particularly chilling, especially his line, "I might stop by and meet the rest of your family." How terrifying! I feel like there's always been an underlying feeling of pedophilia with Greyback, which is particularly horrifying, and I think you have picked up on it here, intentionally or not.
I love the conversation between Hermione and Albus where she explains to him exactly what Greyback is capable of. I hope they continue to stick together as the story continues, it's a really sweet and also dynamic relationship between the two of them, and the kind we don't see enough of on HPFF (in my opinion).
Absolutely wonderful work. I'm adding this to my favorites list, for sure. :)
Author's Response: Hi, there!
First off, thanks for all of the kind words. It really means a lot to see that the story connected well with you and you seemed to enjoy it.
If Hermione sounded a bit out of character in the beginning, it was probably because I imagined her putting on a bit of a facade in order to negotiate with her opponent. She's not necessarily being nice or reasonably in this situation. She's trying to get the upper hand and negotiate the best deal that she can. I'm glad that it all came together for you at the end.
I was also completely in love with the idea of Albus becoming an advocate like his aunt and following in her footsteps. He's doubtless spent so much of his life being "Harry and Ginny Potter's son". To me, this was a way that he could really distinguish himself.
It's been quite a while since the war in this story, and I do think that people had started to become a bit lazy. The Wizengamot members probably deal with lots of routine hearings, and this one appeared no different to them. How wrong they were...
Greyback is a monster. I just won't ever see it any other way. Anyone who willingly sacrifices his humanity and tries to take it away from children... just a horrible individual.
Again, thank you so much for the very nice review and all of your thoughts and reactions. I appreciate them a great deal!