Hey there, its Whiskey from the forums!
Gosh, this story made me want cake so much, I actually went out and got some at the all-night Turkish bakery around the corner! Something with stawbaries. So good.
haha anyways yay this story, I like it and have for ever connected it to the lush sweet goodness that is cake. amen.
Recently, my hpff reading habits have swayed away from Hogwarts, so I was happy to encounter yet another story about grown-up witches and wizards. I like Daphne already, she seems relatable yet confident and, like most war-kids, haunted by the darkness of trauma. This is something I've been missing in many stories and I was overjoyed to discover that you brought in the memories of the war in the very first chapter. You can't just ignore a world-shattering,high death-toll war in a character's recent histroy, after all.
Another thing many forget to do when writing outside of Hogwarts is magic. Office settings,bars, family life, travel, it all suddenly falls into a Muggle genre and the magic gets ignored. But you managed to integrate some spells from the very start. And then, the dramatic appearance of Astoria at the end firmly embedded this story in a HP tone. So great job on that and make sure to keep it up! Moving paintings, odd sentient objects, mysterious legends and quirky people are what made the HP books so addictive, in my opinion.
I also liked how you made sure to mention Theo offhandedly several times during the chapter,making his presence in the cafe undeniable although we never even met him. But, I wasn't too fond of how you decided to dive into a full out explanation of who he was to Daphne. It would have added to the tension if we only found out later that they were just friends. These sort of info-dumps can break the flow really easily. It's a matter of taste, of course, but I thought I'd point it out. Also,some awkward sentences ("but when their paths had crossed again it had been exactly as it had always been") and typos appear throughout the chapter, you might want to have a closer look.
Ok, bon apetit and good luck!
Author's Response: Hello!
Haha that sounds yummy! I'll have to write it into one of the later chapters :P
I'm so pleased that people have said they like Daphne- I'm rather attached to her myself, and it's great that that comes through. I've always thought that the war would be somewhat defining to that generation, and it's effect on Daphne has been greater than most- there's going to be a lot more on her pre-Pink-Hippogriff life in this.
Haha yes I totally agree about the importance of keeping the magic in post-Hogwarts stories. This review has been a good reminder to keep doing that actually!
I'm so glad Theo's introduction worked well! He didn't really seem to fit into this chapter, but I didn't want readers to feel like they'd a had a major character appearing on them two chapters in.
I see what you mean about fully explaining Daphne's and Theo's relationship... I was trying not to confuse readers, but I do see how that could be made into a kind of anticlimax... Maybe I'll look at that when I edit!
And thanks for pointing out flow/typos! It's always useful to know! Long, clunky sentences are my nemesis :P
Thankyou very much for such a kind and helpful review!