God, way to make me cry (well, really, leak a few tears) there at the end. I didn't think I would either-but really, up until the end of chapter 16, I was still holding out hope that Ellie would maybe, perhaps, still be able to survive fully-mentally, and physically, even though that would have not been quite realistic.
I do have to ask about the fight-Ellie was rather good at dueling, wasn't she? She was at least loads better than Lily, as I recall you writing in the beginning. Why then, would she not have been able to hold off Carrow better than she did? Even if she, a 5th year was able to attempt a Patronus, a decent shield charm should have been possible. Or hell, even some well placed jinxes and hexes at the fragile and mentally unstable Alecto.
I also have to wonder about Al's sudden fit of complete rage when he realized who the girl he snogged and thought he raped was, since the way you've written Al would be that he would be more likely to exhibit his anger and horror with furious, horrible, despairing silence, instead of extreme vocal and physical rage. Yes, he directed it at Ellie, but it just seemed so out of character for him, that even while reading and being immersed in the story, it took me by surprise.
Points to you (or really, Ellie) on how you wrote the previous chapter, and this final one. I heard her voice coming through very clearly, as she was going to meet her fate, and to sacrifice herself for her adoptive family. I admired the way you showed with almost alarming clarity, how she defied Carrow without even really trying, just by being herself (with a bit of Lily and that inherited Bell mouth thrown in!), and the points at which she started losing her mind. It was interesting, and very well done.
Good Job Ginger! :)
Author's Response: Phew! I didn't completely destroy your emotions :) And I guess that's sort of my style... I tried to inject hope, despite the ominous inevitability of some of the foreshadowing/circumstances. I liked that no one really knew how it was going to end until it happened.
Okay, so Ellie was... moderate. She's average in all her classes- that was simply a comparison to Lily, who's absolutely RUBBISH at dueling and that was more an inference of Lily's ability rather than Ellie. And to be honest, she'd sort of already given up. She believed that fighting back would/could endanger her family and quite simply, she wanted to just be dead, or be alive, not in an odd state of in between. And have you ever noticed that the mentally unstable are the most dangerous, to themselves and others? Ellie would have fought back, but she knew it would have just angered Carrow.
That all came out in a huge rush- he remembered who it was before he thought he remembered what he had done- and it wasn't at all what he was expecting. And I think, had Al discovered it at a different time, perhaps alone, he would have remained introvert in directing his anger and fully blamed himself, avoiding Ellie constantly. Unfortunately, she was there to blame.
Thank you. These where the easiest chapters to write- I just knew what she was going to think and do the whole time. It was just so simple to me, really.
And the sarcasm? Yep, that's Ellie through and through. You're about to die, so why not make fun of your killer? ;) she's a silly girl.
Thank you for such a lovely and interesting review.