|Review:||Athene Goodstrength says:|
Well, first off - what a gorgeous banner! I love Orlando Bloom. I named my cat Orlando :P Sorry it’s taken a while for me to get to reviewing your entry into the Strange Meeting Challenge, life most definitely got in the way. But here I am now! Entertain me!
Rolf’s a bit of a bad-ass, isn’t he? He seems so domestic, a family man thinking about his upcoming holiday... and then he’s casually Stunning aurors. He’s like one of those movie heroes who’s just a normal guy until his wife is kidnapped/his train is hijacked/whatever, and then it’s all ‘woah, this guy used to be pretty hard, and it’s all coming back to him now!’.
I thought your characterization of Harry was a little odd... It’s very cool to see him in charge, although it’s sad (if realistic!) to see him so tired and overworked, but I felt that this isn’t exactly the Harry we know. Maybe because Rolf doesn’t know him that well, but you’d think they’d have more than a passing acquaintance as Harry’s daughter is named after Rolf’s wife.
I think the thing I found to be odd was Harry’s attitude towards Rolf; considering how Harry feels and behaves when people in authority (Dumbledore, Fudge, Snape) wouldn’t answer *his* questions, he seems oddly insensitive towards Rolf. I know Harry doesn’t always think past the task at hand, but I feel this story might benefit from a moment of Harry saying something like “I know how you feel, and if I could tell you more, I would”. That said, I did find myself wondering (as does Rolf!) if Harry might have left the pink note easily accessible on purpose... if so, I think we can safely say that Harry learned a thing or two from Dumbledore!
I think the opening sequence could have been expanded; you tell us in some detail of what has happened before Rolf arrives at the Ministry. Why not show us? I can understand that you want to get on to the bit where Rolf and Nott actually meet, but it might have helped to build the tension if we started with the initial moment of “Hmm, I’m looking forward to Sweden” to “Oh God, what’s happening?!”. On the subject of Sweden, I loved the characterisation of Rolf and the Scamander family. The way he thinks about nargles, and his sons’ different attributes - he seems like a good husband for Luna.
I noticed a couple of instances where you used an odd choice of words. ‘Potter replied factually’ - ‘factually’ doesn’t really work here, something like ‘matter-of-factly’ makes more sense. And I have to admit to giggling a little at Rolf magically poking the knot with a stick. Why ‘magically’? Sorry I’m being picky here! I want to assure you that I really enjoyed this story, and if I’m being picky about aspects of a story it’s usually because I think it’s a great read that I’d like to see being even greater!
The scene in the Shack was intense. It reminded me (particularly in your description of Nott’s appearance) of Harry’s first time meeting Sirius. I wonder if it would have reminded him of the same thing. I thought that was a really nice comparison - we’ve seen Harry save the day as a child in that very place, now we see him do the same as an adult. It was also interesting to see Harry as the one who swoops in and saves the day from an outside perspective - I was expecting Rolf to defeat Nott, as he was the protagonist, so it was actually a pretty cool twist to see Harry do it, in a very Criminal Minds/CSI sort of way.
I like your Luna! Normally she would never be so *hard*, but this is her family under threat, and it was unexpected but fascinating to see Luna Lovegood hoping that someone rots!
Overall, I very much enjoyed this story. I think it has great potential; I particularly love that you were given two pretty obscure characters in the challenge, and came up with a *very* imaginative way for them to meet. I would never have thought of it, and that’s exactly what I was looking for when I set this challenge!
Well done :)
Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review!
I adore Orlando Bloom too and in my head he was my Rolf, y'know?
About Harry's odd and seemingly dramatic personality change, I wanted him to come across as very tired and he was attempting to do his best but it was a very difficult situation. Plus I had totally forgotten about the whole Lily Luna Potter thing so thanks for that!
I am thinking of editing it so I kind of fix Harry because I did think he was very cold towards Rolf but I wanted him to try and be as professional as possible.
I have looked back over it and I'll admit I giggled a bit at when he poked the knot magically too. I shall definitely be doing some editing!
Thanks so much for the honesty and criticism I really do love it! I'm so glad you enjoyed my story and I can't wait to see the results of the challenge!