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Review:Aphrodite Pheleyus says:
Your writing is absolutely fabulous for someone who's first language isn't English - you have a good grasp on general grammar and word structure, etc. I do suggest, however, to sign up on the forums (if you haven't already) and get a beta to look this over as I did find some awkward phrasing here and there but nothing too distracting.

I really like where you've gone with this - its fulfilling, its short, its fluffy and focused. There's a clear point from start to finish, but its not methodical. There's some places where you tell a lot of the story and about the characters rather than let the audience deduce what you want to tell them by showing them in different scenes instead, but then its hard to do that in a one-shot.

I feel like the ending was complete, too, that its been wrapped up nicely. It makes the reader want more, but not need more, if you know what I mean.

You've done a great job and have tons of potential. Keep writing!


Author's Response: Thank you for such a long review and all the nice words :)
I'll definitely look in to the whole beta thing, that'd be useful. It's really nice when people show me what I could improve on, because it's difficult to do that yourself sometimes.

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