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Review:academica says:
Hello! I saw this story pop up on the Recently Added feed a few months ago, and I decided to find it again and take the time to actually check it out :)

For the most part, I liked your characterization of Hermione. I thought it was interesting how she's pining over Viktor, because we get the sense from the books that it was just a fling and that Ron was always the true object of her affection. I like that your story takes a different direction initially! I also think it makes perfect sense for her to keep up her marks even while being depressed. I'm not sure how I feel about her being so forthcoming about physical activity with Viktor, though, just because I would think that she'd be too modest to discuss it openly, especially in her current depressive state.

One thing that stuck out to me is that the emotions here seemed to change really rapidly. One instance is the break in the middle--it might have improved the flow if you had just made the first part a memory and then returned to the present where Hermione is happy again. I noted the line break and time change, but she just seemed to recover really abruptly, especially since she had such dark thoughts and so much hopelessness in the beginning. I also thought her relationship with Ron went from friendship to something else really fast. Pacing a story, especially a romance, is something I had to work on a lot, which is why I noticed it :)

One other thing is that you might benefit from checking out the dialogue tags tutorial on the forums. Again, I noticed it because this is something that I struggled with a lot initially. Typically, you'd use a comma to conclude dialogue instead of a period, because it isn't a stand-alone sentence. It depends on the sentence, though--the tutorial will help you clear that up, if you read it.

I'm sure I'll be back, and I'm glad I finally came by to read this. Looking forward to some Ronmione!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Finally! A true, constructive review. Thank you so much!

The comma/period thing is somewhat difficult for me. I know when to use it and when to not use it, but sometimes my fingers get ahead of themselves and I forget.

I don't have an editor... I proofread first and then publish. But it's always nice to have a fresh pair of eyes.

I appreciate your review! Please keep coming back.


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