|Review:||Pretense Of Perfection says:|
I know it's been quite a while since I've been around, but I'm back, and thought I'd catch up with your story (:
After re-reading some of the older chapters, and then ending with this one, I can definately say that your writing has vastly improved. And I love this story!!
I'm not sure if it's just me, but I find that in the dialouge when you begin with the dash mark
it sort of messes up the flow for me reading things. It's not super distracting, but I think you could do without that.
I rather love how Sirius and Naomi's relationship has progressed. I daresau I wasn't sure at first how I felt about her and James, but after reading this chapter, I'm a fan! I like how torn up they both seem to feel for betraying Lily and Sirius, even though Naomi is in denial about it. The sheer fact that she felt badly for James' guilt shows her depth as a character, as well as her change and growth. Her erasing his memory was truly a "nice girl" act, despite the fact that there wouldn't have been need for it if she wasn't such an ice queen.
I really, truly do love where this is going. I think I've said it before, and I'll say it again, but sometimes it does seem that Naomi is a little too perfect...Sure, she is an ice queen, vicious, and unable to anazlyze her own emotions and feelings, vehemently denying that she has any. In the emotional/mental aspect, I think she is spot on in character. Howeer, it seems to me like she has virtually no physical flaws. We all know she is beautiful and sexy, and can have any guy she wants. She is also smart, talented with a wand, and incredibly quick witted. She has money and dresses fashionably, and always manages to look amazing while doing everything. While her character is incredibly well developed, I would like to see her with some inherent physical "disability." I know part of her persona is to not do anything she isn't the best at, but often in life we can't avoid doing certain things, just because we don't want to. Even her tripping and stumbling over some equiptment after hearing what Sirius said about her would bring some much needed character rounding to her.
On the otherhand, that's really the only negative that comes to mind after catching up to the most recent chapters. I still love Naomi very much, and can't wait for an update!!
Author's Response: Oooh thank you so much for the review. It really makes my day!!
I am working very hard to try to improve my writing, I am so glad you think it is getting better =)
Aaah Naomi... what can I say? Yes, there are things she isn't good at but she is not about to show you easily! We will see some, because no one is perfect and I know it very well. I admit maybe I should have introduced a flaw or two before, but I thought it more important to show the emotional rather than the physical flaws. I do think there is some in the next chapter, or maybe in two.
I hope you keep enjoying and reading and reviewing! Thank you so much again!
Lots of love,