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Review:my_voice_rising says:
Hello there! I am here with your requested review, almost obscenely late. And for this I apologize. RL things seem to be sucking up my HPFF time as of late.


First of all, cute banner. I love the simplicity and I think it aids to the mood of your story. I like that you paired such a simple summary with it as well, but you might consider embellishing just a little bit. Even if it's just a small quotation from the story, to grab the reader's attention when scrolling through all of the stories on HPFF and make them want to read :)

I like the bit about Teddy's chocolate obsession and his other girlish tendencies, like taking forever to shower. It gives us a glimpse into his character without overloading us with information. I also like that it's commonplace for her to show up at his dormitory unannounced and eat his chocolate. Mmm, salted caramel. My favorite! :)

The kissing scene is really sweet. It seems natural to me that instead of going immediately in for the kill, she kisses him behind the ear. So cute. I think that if you wanted to put a quotation in the summary, you could use this: "I can feel his fingers pressing into me, leaving their mark. Hes leaving his mark." It's really strong, and beautiful.

I also like the line, "I suppose this is just how these sorts of things go." Very simple and still eloquent. It's really sweet how much she is realizing that she's in to him but so unwilling to show it; physically biting her tongue, etc.

I feel like I want a better description of what Teddy and Victoire both look like. We get a pretty good sense of Teddy, but I have no idea how to imagine Victoire. Also her personality is a little hard to understand; I know that I like her, but I feel as though I don't know much about her other than she's playful and prefers to be around boys (I suppose she takes after her father, then?)

It's cute when she covers his eyes but he shoves her hand away. Aww ♥ such cute fluffiness. I really appreciate that everything came full circle, too, with the bracelet at the ending. It wasn't just some mindless thing that you threw in there to show that he had feelings for her. Your ending line was perfect, too.

All in all, a very nice job! I'm glad that I read this. :)

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm sorry for the late response of it though.

You're suggestions are so helpful, thank you so much! I will definitely be implementing them.

I"m so glad you enjoyed the story- I really appreciate you reading it.

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