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Review:MargaretLane says:
Your first couple of lines immediately amused me. I think you have Percy's character down very accurately here.

*grins* I have a theory that siblings 3-5 years apart are less likely to get on than those smaller or larger gaps, because the older one is old enough to find the younger one's childishness irritating, but not old enough to really grasp that they can't help it and the younger one is old enough to see the older as a peer and want to take part in what they are doing, but not old enough to be able to participate properly, so their attempts to join in are more likely to annoy the older one. When you're 11, your three year old sister trying to participate in your games is amusing, your 9 year old sister joining in makes the game more fun, but your 6 or 7 year old sister just ruins the game by doing it wrong, without being small enough to make their mistakes sweet and forgiveable. That's my theory anyway and it seems to be working with Molly and Lucy here.

You misspelled Gryffindor as Griffindor.

I like the fact that Lucy and Molly are younger than a lot of the other cousins. I guess Percy was concentrating on his career, which makes sense for him. I also like the fact that Fred and Roxanne are twins. Twins run in families, so it makes sense that somebody in the Weasley family would have twins.

Offspring is one word and when you say '"...", joked Rose', there should be a comma at the end of the dialogue, not a full stop and "joked" should have a small j. The same rule is true when anybody speaks and you use something like "said x", "shouted y", etc.

You've said "six of whom where all boys". It should be "six of whom were boys".

And you've written "the feeling's neutral". I assume you mean "the feeling's mutual", since a neutral feeling would mean they'd no opinion on each other whatsoever.

*laughs at the idea of Hagrid attending a kids' tea party* That's a funny mental image.

*cheers for the Sorting Hat's song* I tend to skip them because they are HARD.

*laughs* I'm actually planning to put Molly in Hufflepuff too, but she won't start Hogwarts until my year 3, so that's a while off.

Author's Response: Thank you!

I'm glad my first lines amused you! That's practically what any writer wants to hear!

The sibling theory was more a last minute decision.
I had thought on it before because I know of siblings who almost hate each other and then get on so well with their other siblings!
So confusing!
I think it all depends on how big the age gap is.

I will fix those mistakes ASAP!
I thought I got all my Griffindors changed to Gryffindor! :S

Ooops! Thank you for pointing those out! I am strongly considering a Beta!

Thank you for reviewing! Good luck with your story as well, I would love to read it!!


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