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Review:CambAngst says:
Yes! Bombs really started to fall in this chapter and I loved it. I have to say that your writing was a whole lot better in this one, too. This may sound silly, but your writing felt like you were a lot more comfortable when you wrote this chapter. I think you found a really good zone and once you were in it, things just clicked for you. I'm not sure how to explain it beyond that.

So one thing I wanted to say right off the bat is that I kind of regret the fact that you only explain the aftermath of Draco's "trial" with Scrimgeour. I know this chapter was already really long, but even if you had to pull that out into its own chapter, I think it would have been well worth it. With Draco sequestered away inside the Burrow, we have only gotten an indirect idea of what's going on in the outside world and how people have reacted to the idea of Lucius Malfoy's son taking up with the Weasleys. Scrimgeour's questioning would have been very interesting, along with the information that Draco would have revealed.

That said, I'm really worried for the Weasleys now. Given his sources inside the Ministry, it shouldn't take very long at all for Voldemort to learn that Draco not only survived, but where he's hiding. I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm scared for Snape and Lucius, but this information will clearly put them in a very bad spot, as well, since they were tasked with "disposing" of Draco following his supposed death. I hope you give this state of affairs its due, because it can't help but be interesting.

The conversation between McGonagall and Draco seemed about right to me. Maybe I would have liked Draco to be just a hair more confrontational, but I guess the poor guy is pretty beaten down by this point. From her side, I think Minerva manages the exchange just about right. Draco plainly has information that the Order desperately needs. At the same time, she knows that she can't push him too hard or he's likely to recoil. Letting him see the workings of the Order first-hand is something of a gamble, but a wholly reasonable one I'd guess.

OK, I'm about to tell you something that you're probably not going to like, but it was my honest reaction and I wouldn't give you anything less. Something about having a character with the same name as your forums username, and having that character be Draco's love interest, besides, was just really weird for me. Now that I think of it, you might have picked that username well after the story was underway, which makes it less weird. But since I knew you from the forums before I got to this point in the story, I'm getting strange vibes on it. I guess it doesn't really matter since there's really no way you could go back and change it now without confusing the daylights out of your long-time readers, but overall I found it kind of freaky.

The other thing that jumped out at me was Fleur's reaction, specifically "She iz not even from here. She iz not one of us!" That just sounded really out of place coming from her, since she is something of an outsider in the Weasley family, herself. She also comes from another country and she had a lot of difficulty being accepted by the rest of Bill's family in the beginning. To me, that would have made her more sympathetic to a newcomer. Just a differing perspective, I guess.

The other reactions seemed fairly sensible to me. Having not one but two metamorphamagi in the Order seems like an extraordinary stroke of good fortune, one that people who are used to finding that Voldemort is one step ahead of them might find very suspect. It gave Draco a good chance to step out of the shadows and make his presence felt. His speech about suspecting the innocent was maybe a bit high-minded for his character, but he had a good point. And I really liked the way that Fred and George don't miss the opportunity to call him out on the meaningful stare he was exchanging with her. Nothing gets by those two...

The entire scene in Molly and Arthur's bedroom was heart-breaking. I loved the way you set the stage by describing the shabbiness of the room. That seems so like the two of them, always putting everyone else first. Draco's speech before he drops the bomb on them actually came across as really heart-felt, which surprised me once I went back and thought about it. If you'd told me a few chapters back that Draco would be saying things like that and sound really sincere, I probably wouldn't have believed you. It kind of indicates how far you've brought the character.

Each of the Weasleys had a very believable reaction to the revelation about Percy. Fred and George were angry. Bill was disappointed and sad. Charlie was shocked. Molly was devastated. Arthur was the most interesting one and probably the best from the standpoint of how you wrote him. So much guilt mixed into the sadness, and all completely understandable. This is his son, after all. When you have a son -- weird, I actually know this now -- you feel a great deal of personal responsibility for how their sense of right and wrong turns out. Overall, you did a fantastic job with this section.

I liked the crisis of confidence that Minerva handles very well at the end of the chapter. I think after all of the difficulties the Order has suffered, compounded by the truth about Percy, people were likely to be reeling and questioning everything. Minerva's genuine offer to step aside probably went a long way toward getting everyone's head back together.

Like I said at the outset, this chapter was really well done. Your writing was really good and I felt like you were really in your element with this one. It was probably the best chapter so far. I really hope they continue to improve like this. The story will be a joy to read!

Author's Response: Oh Dan. Can I just start by saying I love you? Now, you know, I usually like to do thing in order, but this review is just too awesome to leave sit here for any longer, lol! =P

Yes, Ch.6 is definitely where it starts to pick up, as you have already noticed. The writing really does get better from here, or I think so anyways. There's only so much "introduction" a person can take, lol. Now, finally, some action! I do get what you're saying about Draco's trail tho, and I wanted to show that more, I really did. But I am no good with politics and the like, so it really would have been a horrible chapter that probly would have made no sense at all... I know that's a cop-out, but there you go, lol! XD

It's funny you should mention Voldemort and being worried for The Weasleys tho. Keep that in mind for when you get to the next chapter, lol... I'm glad you liked Draco & Minerva's conversation tho. She's a hard character to write, but I try to do her justice every time she comes in. And what you said about Fleur actually makes sense. I guess I never really thot about it that way before. Now I am going to have to edit it and make somebody else say that line, lol. I can't believe I never thot of it that way before now! ^_^'

As for the Username thing, I guess I should have warned ya about that before hand, huh? But see, Yoshi_Kitten was what I used to use for EVERYTHING back when I set up this account, and I HATE it now, lol. It makes no sense and it's not even Potter-Related. But it was all I could come up with at the time, and now I can't change it... I joined the forums about a year - year & 1/2 after joining here tho, and Roxi is my pride & joy/ So I renamed myself RoxiMalfoy over there and it has just stuck ever since then. Sorry it freaked you out tho. =/

I love that you commented on Fred & George tho. Their remarks to Draco in this chapter were some of my favorite moments to write. And I like that you picked u on the state of Molly & Arthur's bedroom too. I don't think anyone has ever pointed that out before now, and I actually put a lot of thot into that one too. I even remember drawing a not-so-good picture of how I thot their room would look before I sat down to actually write about it. So thanks for picking up on that man, I appreciate it. :)

OMGosh, I just can't stop smiling right now, you've made me so happy!! I love everything you had to say here about how far I've brot Draco's character, and all of the Weasley's reactions to the news; especially Arthur. I don't have any kids of my own, but I am glad that you were able to relate to this from personal experience so well. I love how much thought you put into everything, and this one brought a few tears of joy to my eyes. Sappy, I know, lol, but it's the truth tho! Thank you SO MUCH Dan, for being so kind and thoughtful!


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