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Review:CambAngst says:
Hello, again! Sorry it's been a long time between reviews. Such is life, I suppose.

Given the mildly AU nature of the story, I liked the idea of Harry, Ron and Hermione periodically getting together with McGonagall to compare notes and strategize. The hunt for the horcruxes is definitely a longer-term project in your version of events and the Ministry never completely fell, so remaining completely shut off from the rest of the Order would be neither necessary nor beneficial for the trio.

You did a pretty good job of building up your mythos around the Gypsies in this chapter. The idea of them being exceptionally powerful and too proud to willingly accept the Statute of Secrecy makes sense. This section definitely filled in bits and pieces of Saleena's back story without having to deliver it all through her own thoughts or dialog, which was a nice plus. Two things struck me as either omissions or something that could have benefited from a bit more elaboration. First, if the gypsies are as powerful as they're described to be, how did the Ministry win the war against them? Was it sheer weight of numbers? Some spell that the Gypsies were particularly vulnerable to? It just seemed strange that the Ministry would be able to force a solution onto them. Second, Hermione makes no mention of the fact that the Gypsies are a strictly matriarchal society. Perhaps Ron simply knows that already, but if Harry didn't know about the wars, he probably wouldn't know about their social structure, either.

I love the little bit of adoration and affection for Hermione that you slip into Ron's character here. It was a nice little touch.

McGonagall's questioning of Saleena seemed to cover the basics, but it felt a bit short to me. I know you probably didn't want to make that section drag on for too long, but I still through that McGonagall would have been a lot more thorough. For instance, she asks about Voldemort and Malfoy, but not about whether Saleena had connections to any other Death Eaters. Maybe I'm just over-thinking things, but that was my reaction.

Moving along, it also seemed odd that McGonagall would start out right away briefing Saleena on brand new intelligence that she'd just gathered from the trio. I think you needed more of a transition there, whether it was in the form of bringing the trio back into the conversation or perhaps Molly and Arthur. I realize that having Saleena still be affected by Veritaserum was essential to her giving away far more than she meant to, but things just happened far too quickly.

Ooh! So Saleena's secret is out. At least to McGonagall. I was of two minds on the way that Minerva reacts. Part of me felt like Minerva wouldn't have been quite so quick to want to turn her into a spy. After all, she just joined the Order and Minerva has no way of knowing how she would perform undercover. Does she have the requisite skills to not be found out? Is it too big of a risk to take with her since the main reason that they wanted to recruit her into the Order was so she could act as a Healer? On the flip side, everyone in the Order has to sing for their supper. Dumbledore put Remus in enormous danger by sending him to infiltrate Greyback's pack, to say nothing of Snape's role as a double agent. So it's definitely not unprecedented. Again, I think one of your bigger challenges in this story is pacing. So far, everything has happened so quickly. If you were to slow the narrative down just a bit and give the characters some more time to gradually assume their roles, it might all feel more natural.

I am really interested to see what sorts of things Saleena learns from her family. Her special abilities will definitely change the course of the story, whatever they might happen to be.

So I noted some typos and other spelling and grammar issues as I was reading:

-- "It is said that their leaders often poses extraordinarily supernatural talents and abilities." - possess

-- Right you are, as always, Miss. Granger," - needs opening quote mark

-- ... they’re all prejudice cowards who put restrictions on anyone who may have the power to overrule them." - prejudiced

-- "The three of the were just leaving." - three of them

-- "It tingled he tongue as she swallowed it." - her tongue

-- I only have a few questions for you,” McGonagall began. - missing opening quote mark

-- "Lucius and I’s relationship" - I don't think "I's" is proper English except for a house elf. ;) How about "My relationship with Lucius"?

-- ... you won’t go back and tell Lucius anything tat we discuss?" - that

-- "There are several Do you happen to know anything about Gypsies?" - I think the first three words don't belong here.

-- “Every single member of this Order have all had to make sacrifices and your no different." - you're

-- "Loose my job and become an outcast in society?" - Lose

-- "Even of only one of them listens to you, it will still be better than none, and that’ll be one less that Voldemort will hive on his side." - "if only" and "will have"

You continue to move the plot in an interesting direction. The players are beginning to line up in their roles, although we haven't seen anything from the other side in a while. I hope you're planning to show us at some point what Voldemort, Bella and the rest of the crazies are up to. Until next time!

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