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Review:MargaretLane says:
Wow, the beginning of this is so well-written and so atmospheric.

The idea of Molly being dead was something of a shock. I really hadn't expected that and it really explains his fear of the water. This family really can't catch a break, can they?

I also like his use of the French word Maman, since I can imagine Fleur preferring to be called that.

Hmm, a little ominous about Bill's letter being overdue. I really don't think this is going to be a happy story. *grins*

If I were to find a fault, it would be that there are places where I think you could tighten the language up by using contractions or leaving out the "thats", like "he thought he'd like to be with Dominique" rather than "he thought that he'd like to be with Dominique" or "he knew Maman would remain in the living room" rather than "he knew that Maman would remain in the living room". That's being very nit-picky though.

The description at the end is really excellent.

I'm assuming that Bill is also dead here. Yikes.

Author's Response: Hello (:!

As I told a previous reviewer, this first chapter ended up veering from the original path. Killing Molly just came on the fly (which is weird, since I don't like killing characters), and then they just dropped like flies. And the only way her death would connect was if he liked her as a person, which in my mind, he did. And no, they can't catch a break, haha.

I figured it would be much easier for her to have them call her Maman. Mum would be easy too, but it sort of gives her a little piece of what she's accustomed to. I'm glad you like the addition.

Bahaha. It's going to be mostly up and down, methinks. I won't even say that I'm done picking people off, but I won't do so unless essential to the plot.

Upon rereading the chapter, I definitely see what you mean. I do use the word where it isn't needed, and I've already begun writing the new chapters with that (xD) in mind. I'll go back and clean up the first chapter soon. And don't worry about being nit-picky. Any little bit of critique helps! I can only keep on learning.

Your assumption is correct. I debated about it for a while (could have thrown him onto the fourth floor of Mungo's), but in the end, him being dead works better.

I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and thought that it was well-written! I hope you enjoy the rest of it as well.


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