Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:teh tarik says:
Hello :) I came back to read the third chapter! Took me awhile, but I was very interested to see how your story progressed. I'm glad I came back because I'm beginning to like Edie more and more with each chapter.

It's got funnier and I know I said this before, but I really enjoy Edie's sarcasm and wit. Her voice really livens up the narrative. I often have a lot of trouble staying focused when reading stories or chapters (including my own, ha!) longer than...say 3000 words, but I just flew through this chapter, which was nicely punctuated with Edie's hilarious comments and musings. The writing's definitely smoother and more graceful here than the previous two chapters; there weren't any large tracts of backstory / context dropped in. And I was smiling through certain parts.

And oh my god, Krum! That was too funny and he's sort of adorable :D While Oliver has yet to make a proper appearance in your story, I think I'm going to root for Krum / Edie :)

And of course, your characterisation is excellent as usual - Lisa and Rose, in particular. And I'm glad we get to see Edie in her other job (the dead-end bartending one). There's so much detail to her lifestyle and character and her views of society (posh socialites from Chelsea who somehow stumbled into this pub and donít know a good beer from a broomstick.) that her life just seems so real, along with all the settings (you've managed to portray a less exciting and more humdrum side but utterly realistic of the Wizarding World and I love it!). Hope I'm making sense here; my sentences are running into each other and everything.

And this would be my favourite line:

They want champagne with gin and huckleberry vodka with muddled grapefruit salt on the rim bitters over a sugar cube shaken not stirred and on and on and on--until by the end of it, I'm ashamed to say, I'm pouring juice with sparkling water.

OK, that's all for now. This probably isn't as detailed a review as my previous ones, but I thought of doing some nice easy reading today and I hope you don't mind that I haven't got any helpful suggestions :) But there's probably not a lot of things that can be improved anyway because this was such an enjoyable and well-written chapter! I'll be waiting for your next update :)

-teh

Author's Response: OMGOMGOMG you came back! :D *throws you cookies and other such treats*

I was actually having a lot of personal turmoil as to whether or not I need to go back and shorten my chapters because they are on the lengthy side, but I really didn't want to XD So I'm glad to hear that it was a fast read for you despite being 3,000 words! And yes, there is a lot less back story here. Which is why I was thinking of going back and removing/rearranging some from the earlier chapters. I'm constantly editing this story, so we will see, we will see.

Oohhh, Krum/Edie you say? ;) Glad to hear that you liked it. Hehehe.

And seriously, I appreciate any review at all, even when they aren't so long that I make this face O_O before flailing with excitement.

My next two chapters are all finished, just going under some of that serious editing I've been mentioning before I submit them to HPFF! :) Thank you again, times a zillion, for your review!!!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 105
Submit Report: