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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hi darling! Sorry this review has taken so long!

Okay, I have to say that you may be getting a different perspective from me. I grew up in a very small town where every in high school knew each other, each others parents, and were fairly decent friends, then went to college where everyone has outgrown bullying. So not only have I never been bullied, but I've also never really seen it first hand. Because of that, my thoughts were identical to James's in terms of 'just tell them to stop!' and I LOVED being able to identify more with James, because I'm able to understand Clara's explanation more. If I was bullied, I'm sure I'd have identified with Clara right away, but I didn't, and through this chapter your teaching me to. I think that's a really awesome thing.

So, from the perspective of someone who never really understood bullying, you are doing a really great job showing its affects and what it does to a person. I was so angry at the people who were being cruel to Clara, but then through James I started understanding why she didn't try and do anything about it.

I also love that you have James being the one to offer a friendly hand, and have him a logical reason to do so. It was an excellent bit of character development.

What I think this needs is more physical detail. Clara is really emotional, and usually that comes along with trying to avoid things and distracting yourself. Like fidgeting yours hands or not looking people in the eye... So little things like watching a pot bubble on the stove because she doesn't want to meet James's eye would be a good touch. I just want to see more of what you saw in the little movie screen that was playing in your head with your characters on it.. or is that just me who does that? :P

This was an absolutely awesome start! Good luck on the challenge and please feel free to re-request for chapter 2!


Author's Response: Hello! I'm sorry this response has taken so long!

Wow, that sounds so nice! My town is rather big and I hardly even know my neighbours! O.o

I'm glad you identified with James! So many people say "just say I don't like it" (or something similar) and they don't realise that it's terrifying to do so! It's a great feeling when you do say something, but generally people are so nervous and shaky that they can't actually think straight! I'm glad to hear that I'm kinda teaching it to people, because a lot of people don't really understand that whole thing. :p

I'm glad I portray it well and I'm glad to hear that people understand why she isn't standing up for yourself. It's not because she doesn't want to, it's because she thinks that she can't. :/

James offering a friendly hand is kind of a central thing to this story and I couldn't have him do it without a reason. ;)

I agree, nervous people are more likely to fidget, thank you for pointing that out! I will fix it as soon as I can! :D

Thanks for taking the time to review this, I really appreciate it! :D

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