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Review:academica says:
Hey! Sorry this is so late! :)

So I think you did a great job using second-person! It can be very tricky, but it's also kind of fun, and I agree with the rationale you provided for using it. I also liked how this didn't focus on the "major" players in the final battle -- it was nice to see things from a different angle and different eyes.

I also really like your characterization of Fleur, and the way you played with it using imagery here. I noticed little dashes of traditional girly symbolism, like the ballet shoes and the fluttering eyelashes. Here, Fleur harnesses her femininity as her power, and I love the message that conveys throughout the piece, that she's much tougher than she looks. Going along with that, I liked her callous attitude toward those she was pursuing. There were several lines where she just went mechanically forward, as you said, wiping away the blood and pushing on. I especially liked how you emphasized that she felt nothing when she first killed someone. It had this beautiful raw ring to it that thrilled me.

My critique here would be that I think you built up the action a little too much toward the end. I think you could have spent the whole piece playing with Fleur in smaller, more subtle ways. I just don't know if she's quite strong enough to be made the hero there at the end -- I don't know if anyone would be. To me, characters meeting their limits is part of what makes good characterization, what really helps me get to know an unknown figure. I do think it was good to give her the spotlight; I just think that you may have given her too much. Hopefully that critique makes some sense to you.

This was lovely! Again, sorry my review is so late!

-Amanda

Author's Response: Oh goodness don't worry! I know your RL is crazy right now!

I'm so happy you like this piece! Writing from second person was definitely a new challenge, and I enjoyed it so much more than I thought I would! Fleur is one of those characters that I just love writing about. Which is probably why I've given Belle so many of her qualities :P

To be completely honest, the only reason Fleur takes center stage at the end is because for the challenge she and Greyback needed to have a meeting of some sort. Haha. If this had really happened, in my head it would have been Charlie in a second that delivered Greybacks curse. And it would have been the killing curse... I played with everything from having Fleur attend Greyback's trial and end up needing to speak against him, and having her visit Azkban while she's pregnant because she can't get over this terrible fear that he'll come after her children, and needs to see him behind bars. Finally I settled on the most obvious scenario, during the battle. Although I'm still not 100% happy with how little time I was able to give these two to take center stage, it played out better than my other attempts :P.

Wow.. sorry for the unrelated ramble :P. And I absolutely agree with your critique, by now she probably would have not only collapsed of exhaustion, but let her husband take over fighting. I was just too afraid that wouldn't count as an actual meeting.

Ah I am so happy you liked the raw-ness of her feelings toward killing the man, because I was a bit unsure about that. Sometimes I tend to take her ability to be cold a few steps too far...

Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews you've given me, m'dear, and I hope that you're able to start your thread back up after RL settles back down ♥


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