Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Keira7794 says:

Firstly, (and most importantly), happy birthday! I hope, wherever you are in the world, that you're having a memorable day and can't stop smiling. And if not, then that's why I'm here!

I absolutely LOVED your ending. But I'll get back to that in a moment as it's always best to start at the beginning, don't you think?

I like the light-hearted tone of the entire piece. It's clear from the beginning that Emmeline Vance is a lot younger than Gideon - and at no point did I start thinking, 'ooh romance in the making' which is very easy to do when a guy and girl are stuck in a broom closet. So well done for managing to avoid this cliche!

"Well this is a silly place to hide, isn't it? They always look in the broom cupboards first," Just in that line, you nailed Gideon's character. It came across as if he was amused - in a brotherly way - but also showed that he was comfortable to have fun.

At times I thought Emmeline acted a little too... confident(?) for a second year addressing a male seventh year. But, as she later joins the Order, it's clear she has some guts so this could completely fit her character.

Your ending. I LOVED it. It really made the story for me - like finishing a circle (if that's indeed possible). In those few lines, their relationship was perfectly described. You fulfilled one of writing's basic rules; show don't tell. At no point did you go 'and then they were friends', but through your use of dialogue and description of how they spoke - the point came across perfectly.

Great job!

Once again, happy birthday! Keira :)

P.S. I was asked on behalf of the Gryffie Birthday Reviews - I didn't just stalk you to find your birthday. I swear. ;)

Author's Response: Thank you so much! And yes, I figured it was from the Gryffie Birthday Reviews ;)

I'm so glad that you liked my story! I'm definitely one of those people that automatically thinks boy+girl+broom cupboard= romance *shimmies away, embarrassed* I just figured that because everyone seems to always write that or assume it, I'd try to do something different for the challenge. I'm so glad that you liked how I wrote Gideon's character. I find it rather difficult to pull off that kind of character. Thank you for the compliments on my "show don't tell" thing, too! Most of the time I'm way too over-descriptive, so that was great to hear. Also, I'm glad that you didn't think it was choppy or random or anything.
Did Emmeline seem too confident? Hmm I'll see what I can do to fix that. My rational was that she's a Gryffindor (and thus brave and bold) and that Gideon was being really friendly so she felt more confident. I'll take a look at it.

Thanks again for the lovely review and the birthday wish! May your birthday be just as wonderful, whenever it may be!
~cb ")

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 485
Submit Report: