Tagging you from the Review Tag 2.0 thread!
First off, I love your chapter image. I know exactly where it comes from, but it was well done.
I really liked Hermione's meditation on her lack of a past and the implications for her present and future. While not knowing can be very uncomfortable, searching for answers carries definite risks. I did feel like the characterization is a bit at odds with the ever-curious Hermione from the books, but war and life have a way of changing people. She certainly seems to understand the trade-off.
And it's seeing Ron that seems to bring it all into focus for her. I loved the combination of mental and physical reactions you gave her to his appearance. The dischord in her mind was so palpable, so easy to relate to and feel. The way you keep characterizing her life as perfect, but afflicted with this inexplicable disconnect creates some great cognitive dissonance.
So one little problem I noticed and can totally relate to. Where you italicize the words "it was always there", it seems like the editor threw in a line break on you. I used to have that problem a lot when I copied and pasted my chapters into the editor.
"For a person who always had an answer for everything, this annoyed Hermione to her wit's end." - I love that line.
The physical reaction she gets when she gets close to him, and the way that he in turn reacts to her, was really neat. I felt so much tension reading it. And then she panics, tries to push away. But he reels her back in with that simple whisper. You're doing a terrific job of building up the tension and mystery between the two of them!
"Do you know me from somewhere?" - Another brilliant line! There's just something about it that sounds so much like Hermione. The slight twist on the traditional phrasing. Lovely.
The moment of connection and revelation that the two of them share was so rich with energy and possibilities. I was on the edge of my seat, hoping for either one to make that big breakthrough. Of course, this would be a really short story if they did, so I guess I'll just have to put my eagerness on hold for now. Suffice it to say that you're really, really good at writing these tense, highly charged moments.
I really loved this chapter. You've set the two of them on a course that seems like they're heading unavoidably toward one another, although I'm sure there will be a lot of bumps along the way. I think you're turning me into a long-term reader here!
Author's Response: Yay, I love chapter images. That entire scene was actually parallel with the one from HBP, hence why it all seemed so familiar to Hermione. I love that you really understand how I was trying to set up her character. She is living a different life, but she's still the same person, even without all the memories, the true essence is still there. And Ron really helped her open up to new possibilities, because he gives her so many feelings she can't understand but they are very strong feelings nonetheless. I started writing this story on a whim, and as I was going along, I really fell in love with Ron and Hermione. They're usually seen as boring and that there's nothing interesting about them, but I found out there's still so much tension and connection between them. You really seem to understand where I was coming from and so on, so that's really great from me. I just love all the reviews you've left so far. I am a big fan of yours and so this is like...just aaah, so lovely!! Thank you!