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Review:MercyWaters says:
I'll admit I don't usually read Marauder's era fics, but this one intrigues me. I'll have to read on to see what happens.

As for my thoughts, first off, I have a few stylistic things to point out. It's obvious that this is a humorous story, but remember not to go overboard! In the beginning some of it seemed a bit overdone and was bordering on sounding silly. It did improve by the end of the chapter, though. Also try to keep everyone in character. Both Remus and Lily sounded out of character at times.

Don't forget to proof read as well and avoid run-on sentences. I didn't notice many typos, but there were a few scattered throughout. Try to vary your sentence lengths because a reader can be easily turned off if the sentences become too long and wordy. Short, concise sentences are good too!

Just out of pure curiosity, why did you choose to make Lupin's family poor? This isn't necessarily wrong, as I don't believe we were ever given a really indication of his family's status or wealth in the books, but the impression I was given by JK is that all pureblood families are wealthy, unless they have many children such as the Weasleys. I know he's definitely poor as an adult, but I believe it was said that this is because Wizarding society is prejudiced against werewolves and it was nearly impossible for him to find employment.

I know that it's doubtful you'll change this, as it seems to be a big aspect of the story in future chapters, but the Yule Ball would not have occurred at Hogwarts in any of the years the Marauders were at school. The Yule Ball is only held during the Triwizard Tournament, when the three Wizarding schools come together. It's not an annual thing, and the Triwizard Tournament was discontinued in 1792 due to its dangerous nature. It didn't start up again until 1994.

Overall, though, I really liked the setup of this chapter. I thought the way you introduced everyone near the beginning was clever and interesting, and the little italicized bits (which I'm assuming are Remus' thoughts?) were very funny and enjoyable to read. I'll also admit I laughed out loud at the bit about Knockturn Alley: "Unless you were in the mood to be kidnapped, never venture outside after about 7:00 p.m." Haha! :)

Nice job, keep it up.

Bri, xx

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

I'm not accustomed to writing humor, so this was one of my first attempts. I will try to improve upon the overdone humor when I go back to edit this chapter.

I currently have a BETA who is helping me revise this chapter, so she can hopefully help me with the mistakes you found.

I've always pictured Remus as coming from a poor family, perhaps due to his lack of money in later life. Therefore, I stuck with this idea and incorporated it into my writing.

I will not be able to change the Yule Ball, audit plays a major part in the upcoming chapters. However, perhaps it was an annual tradition at Hogwarts during the time of the Marauders that was simply discontinued by the time Harry attended.

I'm glad to see you enjoyed the chapter!

Thanks again,
Voldy Needs a Hug


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