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Review:Kat says:
I love your style of writing, but I think that all the characters are OOC here.
1. Hermione isn't that cold or cynical. In the books she's a very kind person and she's nice to people, here she's simply hating on everyone, which is very unlikely for her.
2. Harry. Now I think we all know Harry would never do that do either Ron or Ginny. He loves them both, in DH he was devastated when Ron left and even though he was alone with Hermione for months they never actually did anything. If he was even remotely attracted to Hermione I think he would have made a move, and wouldn't constantly check the Marauder's Map just to see if Ginny was alright. He's too much of a good person, and he loves them too much to betray them in such manner.
3. Ginny. In the books JK makes it very clear that Ginny is not a girly girl. She's a very strong girl who probably wouldn't do half of the things she does in this fic. I couldn't imagine her going around bragging about what a gentleman Harry is when they do 'it', she didn't even cry in front of Harry when Harry broke up with her in DH, that's how strong she is. And I'm pretty sure she is a smart enough girl to figure out something was going on between Harry and Hermione.
4. Ron just looks like an idiot in this fic. He may not be a genius but he suspected Harry and Hermione were going out in the DH when they never even showed any attraction to each other, I think that he is clever enough to figure out that Hermione is cheating on him with Harry and that his own daughter isn't his.
I didn't really mean to offend you in any manner here, I'm just giving constructive criticism, and I really hope you don't take anything I've written personally. Even though the characters were OOC and I don't ship Harmony I enjoyed reading this fic, you're a talented writer :)

Author's Response: Hi there!
I don't mind critiscm at all. First off, let me tell you that a) this is fanfiction and my try at making Harry/Hermione happen in some way - that means that you'll have to stretch reality to a certain extent b) my focus in this entire piece was the writing-style, which was an experiment.

I agree with you on certain terms, I still don't agree with you on certain aspects. Ginny isn't bragging to Hermione, but confiding in her as a friend. And every girl has a soft side. Yes, she is strong, but you sometimes don't see what's right in front of you.
I could launch into a whole discussion about the characters, but I won't. The entire purpose of this piece was to demonstrate a destructive relationship: Harry and Hermione driving each other to the edge while leaving a carnage of wreckage in their wake. And it was to demonstrate the effects of war. The entire purpose was that they weren't the same anymore after the war.

That being said I agree that there are certain weak points to this story. For the pair to continue with the affair is horrible and I suppose slightly OOC for the two loyal Gryffindors. This was written nearly four years ago and I have no intention to keep on defending my choices from back then. I was younger, more inexperienced and romanticizing reality. I've grown as a writer and as a person and it feels like ages since I got the idea and it all took off.

That being said, I really appreciate your way of criticizing. People can be very harsh and rude and I really do appreciate your comments.


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