Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:CambAngst says:
Hi, there! Tagging you from the Review the Person Above You thread in the common room.

Just to get this out of the way, there was once sentence in this chapter that didn't read right: "He hoped that deep down, she would not be bothered coming back and he could sleep a little easier at night." Aside from that, I thought your writing was really good in this. It all flowed very nicely. The only other thing I can suggest is that your chapters might be a bit easier to read if you double-spaced your paragraphs. Something about the extra space in between is always easier on my eyes.

One thing that continues to bug me a bit about your story is that Harry seems so concerned about the media and press releases. It really doesn't sound anything like the guy who always avoided reporters -- especially Rita Skeeter -- to the best of his ability. That said, the rest of the way he takes command of the situation seemed perfectly natural and made sense. Another things that seemed a bit out of character was Hermione saying that she felt something in her gut. Hermione is more of an analytical type to me, not one to follow hunches. But then she heads off to try to corroborate her hunch, which felt more like her.

The conversation with Celeste Munsten was well done although I didn't pick up on any big "aha!" moments. She seemed genuinely surprised to learn of her aunt's death and very upset by it.

Another twin wand! And this one is Moody's. This immediately started me thinking about what Parvati's and and Moody's wand might have had in common. Nothing really comes to mind, but I'll keep thinking on that as I read. I'm kind of perplexed as to where the killer would have even found Mad-Eye's wand to duplicate it. I had always thought it was lost along with his body after the battle over Little Whinging.

Now you really do have me curious. It seems almost like Rose is a distant and unknown commodity here. Has she become alienated from the rest of her family? Ron and Hermione kept talking about her as though she was nearly a stranger, not their own daughter. Something is obviously up. And they send Scorpius off to find her. This has all kind of possibilities.

Overall, I still think you're doing a nice job with this. I feel like I'm starting to get a good read on the exact degree of "canon-ness" you're shooting for which makes it a lot easier to critique your writing. Til next time!

Author's Response: Hello again!

Wow that was a really long review so I'm going to answer one thing at a time.

First, you're right, the wording is off in that sentence and I'm going to have to get back and edit it. It should've spelled "he hoped deep down that she wouldn't be bothered to come back and he could sleep easier at night". Or something along those lines.

As for Harry, I'm trying to point out that his duties as the Head of the Department made him concerned with how the public would perceive a state of emergency such as this. He's grown up and how he deals with dark wizards and danger isn't just up to him, he has an official responsability to the public now. As for Hermione, I would imagine that years of handling Law Enforcement has developed her instincts even more and she has a sort of sixth sense when it comes to shady affairs.

The conversation with Celeste wasn't intended to hold a revelation but rather to point out the dead end in which they find themselves.

Nice observation on their conversation regarding Rose, I was hoping somebody would pick up on that, there is a reason why she went to the other end of the continent to study. But more on that in future chapters. The same goes for Moody's wand.

Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it!


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 728
Submit Report: