Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Calypso says:
Hello! This is CalypsoJenna from the forums, here with your requested review!

I may be biased because I love Ron/Hermione so much, but I thought this was an amazing first chapter! You set up your scenario well, introduce the characters and really manage to grip the reader in just a few thousand words! It's a fascinating set-up that you've got here- a really original idea. :)

I thought that this chapter was very well structured: I liked the way we began with Harry and Ginny, and the way you managed to subtly convey the situation using that scene. I found Harry and Ginny's reactions really interesting- the way Harry had given up hope, but Ginny was still looking... It was such a sad image of her cutting out the newspaper articles and keeping them all in the scrapbook.
And then the way you continued with seperate views of Ron and Hermione's new lives- I think it's interesting that you've set sort of competitive love interests for each of them- I'm curious to see how that will play out! I really enjoyed all the characters' interactions in this- especially Ron and Chelsea's, I thought that they acted very naturally together.

The way you brought about Ron's accident as well was very well done- it felt dramatic but sudden at the same time. I really felt the shock of it.
I'm looking forward to finding out more about what's caused them to lose their memories, and about how they've explained that absence in their new lives- you did a good job of this with Ron and Chelsea.

I was also impressed by some of your turns of phrase. I particularly liked "a small butterfly kiss", the part where you described Ron's mood as still being a cloudy autumn day and the final words of the chapter. However, if I were to mention something which you could improve on, I would say that the flow of language isn't always as smooth as it could be...

All in all I thought this was a brilliant first chapter! If you'd like to re-request for further reviews, please feel free to do so! :)

-Bethany

Author's Response: I think that even though Ron doesn't realize it, Chelsea reminds him of Hermione a little and that's why he likes her. I'm glad you liked the differing reactions of Harry and Ginny. Some people were upset that Harry would probably never give up hope, but he was really tired and didn't want to believe in something false. And I think the basis of Ginny's belief is that Ron is her brother and they have a certain link together, being the two youngest children etc. :)

Haha, I was really unsure of the accident because my action/surprise writing can be pretty awkward. Thanks so much for all your kind words. This chapter was written ages ago and it's really nice to hear new thoughts on it. I'd love to re-request when there's a free spot. Thanks again, Bethany, you're awesome! :)

And yeah, aren't R/Hr just the greatest?


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 823
Submit Report: