Hey, it's me here with your requested review. And can I just say how surprised I am that this is the first review of this one-shot?
Anyway, moving on. Severus Snape is not generally a character I have sympathy for, but you've made him a sad, quiet man who bears the burden of his hard life in the working-class Midlands. I'm very impressed by your awareness of the context of Spinner's End, by the way; it's something most fanfic authors forget to include, and you've managed to establish it in a few short phrases.
This flows well despite your non-linear narrative time (I use phrases like that because the last lesson I had today was English), and it makes sense, which is something that, again, many authors in my experience struggle with. So well done there, too.
I quite like the note you've ended this on, too - it's very poignant and thoughtful, which I'm always going to be a fan of.
I'm now going to be nitpicky with you and offer some critique, most of which is technical:
- Americanisms ('sidewalk' being the most common one i. this) and typos - there are a few in this, and it can get quite distracting, so maybe if you choose to revise this at some point, you might want to take another look at them.
- Some of the details get lost in this, and it can be a little confusing. For example:
His mother met him every year
He should have known something was wrong when she never appeared at King’s Cross.
and you haven't really given us enough to link the two scenarios together, you know what I mean?
Apart from that, though, this was good, and I hope more people read and review this in the future. :)
Author's Response: Hi caoty!
This is a first for me. Most of the people I know are some die-hard Snape fans. I'm not as big as a fan as they are, but I respect his character. When more of his story was revealed in the later books, I began to look at him differently. JKR alluded to his family problems in book 5 as well as in book 7. He has had a hard life, you're right; it seems it was full of bad decisions on his part that he could never really make up for in the end. I'm glad my narrative could sway you just a little bit. I tend to have that effect for the most unsavoury of characters.
Oh, well I'm glad for that. I wanted to experiment with different forms of flashback which I think the non-linear narrative stems from (well, that's only my opinion anyway).
I went back to see which quote you were talking about. I had some trouble finishing this story, and tying it back with the story's title. At the time, that was the best I could come up with.
Oh wow, sidewalk's an Americanism? I've said that all my life and I'm not even American :P. I donÃ¢Â€Â™t doubt you about the typos, I will revise this when I get the time, but thanks for pointing it out.
Okay, I might have to PM you about that, so I can get a better idea of what you mean.
But thank you so much for the review and the feedback! It was very helpful :)