Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:lia_2390 says:
Hello!

I meant to review this story for a while, so here I am :)

I LOVE the idea of this story. I really do.

Your choice of tense was suitable for the tone of this opening chapter. It does enough to stir up feelings of foreboding as well as mystery. Usually, I see it used in different genres, but I think you've done well with it in this setting.

It's a brilliant idea to have a murder mystery within the Black household. It's in a time where the family is beginning to fall to pieces - with Andromeda leaving, and we all know Sirius is about to fly the coop as well. One might thing death brings people together, but as you've revealed at the end of the chapter, it may very well tear them apart. I love seeing old Pollux Black in action as the patriarch, but part of me wonders how long he'll stay there.

You used a type of fragmented approach in retelling Cygnus' death scene. Others might use the real-time approach then describe everyone's reactions. But I liked your way better. You haven't exactly given us everything, but you've given us enough to understand what happened.

Druella's line - 'There was no blood' - was chilling. She's right too. Most of these murders are the typical bloody affairs, but I don't think it might suit these characters. They are of the cold, calculating type, which makes Barty's suggestion much more valid. Interesting that he came up with it - could be strategy. Maybe Pollux had the same idea, while his face remained blank when Orion told him, I suspect he already knew. He watched them all very carefully as they left the room earlier. Now with the switching around the will, this could have been to someone's benefit, or they found they might be cheated out of what they deserved. Anyway, sorry for the speculation so early on. Some will come later - trust me ;)

A bit of advice, as passed onto me in the past by a reviewer - using words like 'although' kind of makes the narrative sound like an essay. For instance, where you have Bella glaring at her grandfather before giving in and sitting down, you could replace 'although' and what follows, by something else and still have the same effect.

I really enjoyed reading this. I hope you keep up the neat pace you had with this chapter with all the others!

Lia

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net