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Review:CherryBoom says:
Hmm... I dunno what to make of this one-shot. Technically it was perfectly written, but I think that is part of the problem. The girl didn't feel real, and the way Lee described her was more akin to romance novel writing than how a teenage boy would describe his girlfriend.

I do like your twins a lot. They were in fact the best part of this fic. Their dialogue was really well done, but somehow it felt odd that Lee wouldn't participate in discussion at all, considering that he was a rather mouthy Quidditch commentator. I understand that it's a stylistic choice, but it didn't feel very canon.

That said, you know how to describe things very well, but maybe simplifying wouldn't hurt here. I wouldn't be least bit surprised if you stated that you like to read romance novels on your past time, because your writing in this fic has some typical things for that genre. Maybe it's just this fic, I dunno.

I'm much more interested in Forge's plans for Umbridge's demise than about the kissing scene, and it would have been fun if you'd have followed that avenue in this story. But that's just me. =)

Author's Response: Thanks for this review.

I'm still not sure where this one-shot came from. I might go through and re-write it someday but chances are I will just do a different fic with the twins.

To be honest, I don't read romance novels at all. I have no idea where the ending of this fic came from. It was a twist that came out of nowhere and I thought it would be fun and a slightly different way to write things.

Thanks again for your review. It's really appreciated :D


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