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Review:LoopyLemon says:
This was a good start to the story. You set the scene and the friendships very well.

I liked how you have a large friend group all planned out. Small details like ex's make this story feel more like a high school girl's journey and definitely stop Ava from being a mary sue. You have obviously done all the background research which is nice.

I also liked the touch with the thestrals. Again it gives your character more depth and makes her feel more alive.

The goal setting was a nice touch as well. It sets up future chapters and gives the story a bit of purpose.

This is a quite long chapter and you manage to get a lot of information in it. Yet in saying that I don't know what year Ava is in (I think she's seventh but I'm not sure) or who her mother is. You spend a lot of time explaining the close friendship with Dominique's family but she still isn't given a name.

One thing you could work on in the future, is showing your story rather than telling it. You tell the reader a lot of background information about the characters and there is the chance that could get overwhelming. Sometimes details can be left out of stories and if the author knows them, they will make their way in on their time. Also I'm not sure if it is necessary to explain all the Weasley connections. A lot of people that will read your story will be reading it because of the next-gen tag. They will already know all the relationships between the characters and it could make the story flow better without all those tiny details. Maybe look into getting a beta to read it over.

Otherwise, good first chapter. You introduced your story and the characters and definitely introduced a romance with James. I'm interested to see what happens next.

Author's Response: Thank you very much, I really tried hard to plan the friendship group. I'm glad you noticed the thestrals touch cause I wasn't sure everyone would pick up on it.

I realise that I didn't mention that Ava was in her sixth year in my chapter, it's included in the summary of the story though. I'll need to edit the chapter to include that detail, thanks for pointing that out. Ah yeah, Ava's mother. I really should have included more detail about her.

Thank you for all your advice, it's very helpful. Also thank you for all the positives you gave about this chapter. I've tried to get a beta reader by posting on the forums but no one has replied and I posted that about a week and a half ago. So if you have any advice on how to get a beta I'd appreciate it.

Thank you very much for the review :-)


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