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Review:teh tarik says:
Hello :) teh tarik here with your requested review.

First, great work for tackling this sensitive but very relevant issue of bullying in a very realistic manner.

As a character, Clara Wood is a distressed and vulnerable person who has to go through some painful experiences. I think you did a great job in depicting her sense of isolation and exclusion from the other students as well as her desire for acceptance. Great characterisation as well for James, who, in my opinion, sounds like a thick, rather insensitive sort of person. It will be interesting to see how the chemistry develops between them :) (I'm assuming this will be a James/Clara fic). Your characters contrast each other nicely, and there is a good balance of teen angst, pain and rejection with humour and moments of warmth and friendship in this chapter.

This moment is particularly lovely:

"Alright, I gotta go to Herbology. Where are you going?"

I stared at him. "I'm going to Herbology as well. I've been in your class for the past seven years."

His mouth dropped open. "Wow, I really am an arse. Sorry 'bout that. Wanna go?" He gestured with his head and I nodded, walking along with him.


It is funny, and at the same time there's that painful context of Clara being ignored throughout all her years at Hogwarts. I hope you include more lovely moments like these :D

The dialogue between James and Clara is filled with drama, and yet sounds natural and convincing. Do watch out for repetitive information in your writing, though. Clara repeats herself more than once - I understand that this is probably to show James' initial inability to understand her situation, but it does slow the pacing of the story down and becomes a little monotonous.

You mentioned description under in your Areas of Concern. There is a significantly greater amount of dialogue in this chapter compared to description, which isn't always a bad thing. However, I do feel that you need to include more details on the story setting. There is the backdrop of the Transfig classroom and the kitchen; however, both of these locations are rather threadbare and undeveloped. It would be nice if your characters made use of, and interacted with their environments a little more. Setting can help determine the tone and mood of a particular scene and make it a more convincing and realistic situation for the reader.

Overall, this is a great beginning to a longer story dealing with the often troubling and painful experiences of bullying :) I hope to see your character develop and mature emotionally and mentally as the fic progresses, along with her new friendship with James.

Good luck with the rest of the story :)

-teh

Author's Response: Hello there! Thanks for taking the time to come review this for me! :D

No, it actually isn't a James/Clara fic. It's my first time not shipping anyone in this story, that's why I thought you might be happy to review it! :p

Only friendship chemistry. ;) (I don't even know if that's a thing but shh)

Aww thank you! I'm glad you liked that little moment. :)

Ahh, I am an offender of repeating everything. Thank you for pointing that out! :D I will try to change that little tidbit. :p

Okay then! Thanks for the advice, I'll definitely take it on board! :D

Thank you so much for taking the time to leave me this long and thoughtful review! As soon as I edit the first chapter, I might re-request if that's okay with you? :)

Thank you so much again! All your advice is really appreciated! :D


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