Hey! Look at me! Reading! Reviewing! All of the above. First of all, I'm honored you would dedicate a story to my husband and me. You are so sweet and thank you again for all of your support.
This story was definitely dark, but I don't think it was as dark as you thought it was. I really loved the way Draco cares for his family. You can tell throughout the story he has a big heart, which has only strengthened since the war. It was very believable having him as a Healer. I liked that.
I also have a love/hate relationship with his internal reasoning for blaming himself. Obviously if it's a disease they couldn't cure, at least someone else would be on it or doing research, etc. But at the same time, I believe his reasoning because the guilt is consuming him. I love it. Doesn't matter how true it is, it's that he believes it.
Make sure you watch your commas. When you put a line of dialogue, there is a comma before the quotation mark if it is followed by something like "he said," etc. Like: "You are the only reason I'm alive," he whispered.
Also try to balance the wording as much as you can. For example, in the beginning there were several casual phrases and then they were mixed with big, authoritative words. It made me believe it a little less. It got a little wordy in parts, but you are definitely having a great start!
I think this story was excellent. I like the way the series of events unfolded and the way Draco justified things to himself. I also really loved Scorpius and his nightmare. The moments with Scorpius were my favorite in the story.
Keep up the good work! I'm very excited you are working on a humor novel! Thanks for writing :)
Author's Response: GAHGAHAGAHAGAH THANKS! Thank you so much! You guys deserved it, honestly. All that work!
Right. Well, firstly, it could be slightly depressing. At the end.
Hmmm... about blaming himself, it definitely isn't rational. He's sort of stuck with a personal attachment to the girl and so he's taken it upon himself to fix it single-handedly. Yeah, though, they'd probably put more people on it.
Meh. I should really probably know that by now. I learnt that when I was about seven, so honestly, I should be doing that by now. I'll watch out for it.
Yeah. I tend to do that myself, and then my friends look at me like 'What are you doing'. I just sort of smile sheepishly. Okay, though, I see it. So, should I just separate the word use? Maybe use casual and then use other, more complex words in different contexts?
Thank you. Thanks so much. I'm really glad that you liked it. Scorpius is a cutie. Loved making up his nightmare.
This humor novel is going to be my NaNoWriMo so I'll need to edit and things at the end.
So, yeah. Thanks, dear. I'm chuffed (see, see this is an in context example of 'to be chuffed'. I don't think you'd find it in the dictionary, but still). Thank you!