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Review:my_voice_rising (not logged in) says:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review--and I'd say it's about time, considering all the lovely reviews you've left me recently. So here we go!

Really great introductory paragraph. I like that it's short and sweet, yet just enough to draw the reader in, before switching to the back-story. Nicely done! Also I don't remember ever seeing the sun being compared to a laser. Really nice, harsh imagery and a unique metaphor!

OH MY GOD YOUR OC IS 24. I am already in love with this story. It's so rare to find a post-Hogwarts fic with characters at this age. Yay, I'm really excited now! Also you have a really great and subtle explanation that she is in the hospital and has a specific healer watching over her; I really like your subtlety rather than stating "I was in the hospital and I had a healer."

One thing that I really think would help is finding a beta reader! :) Or if you're not lazy like me, taking the time to go back and edit your punctuation (because that's really the only place I see glaring errors.) Particularly in your dialogue, where there are periods or commas missing at the end of a spoken sentence. It would really help with your story's readability! :)

You also have given us a wonderful glimpse into the history of your OC just through dialogue, and I laughed aloud at the line, “Well I think I’m Florence Creevey, but I’m pretty sure you have some choice words to describe me.” I think that maybe some additional background information would be beneficial here--even if it's as slight as describing the room of the hospital or what your OC's hair looks like or her noticing how long it had gotten since she was lying in bed or something. You're really great with dialogue, but I'd like to see some more prose here :) In fact, your author's note is longer than any actual description within the story XD

I loved the ending of the chapter; "The last thing I wanted. An optimist." Great! You've set your OC in the perfect situation to grow and become a completely different person and change her life. Wonderful! I'm so glad you asked me to review this story; it's going on my favorites for sure.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a nice review :) I am in the process of finding a beta for this story, because another person suggested I find one as well :D Thank you so much for such a nice review :)

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