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Review:Jchrissy says:
Hi darling! Here for your review!

I really love that you are tackling a challenging topic. When people have something, like their ability to do what it is they love, taken away..it's a huge deal. I don't usually see that in fan fic, so I'm excited to be reading it!

I like the personalities of your characters so far. James seems a bit spoiled, but he probably deserves to feel like he's feeling. Though everyone needs that push to get them going.

The Potters finding a new healer, one that would push him and try to get him back to life again, seems really in character. I doubt they'd let their oldest son waste his life away pitting himself, especially after they gave so much to make sure their children would have freedom and safety. I mean, if anyone has been through hell it's Harry, so though he's probably sympathetic to his son, I doubt he's okay with this behavior. You showed that very well in this first chapter!

It might be worth looking for a beta. I think having a beta is so awesome, I don't know what I'd do without mine! But I suggest that mainly because your dialogue punctuation makes this a bit difficult to read. You've only closed it a few times. And having the open quotation marks without ever having an ending kids exhausting for the brain to processes. I didn't see any errors besides punctuation, so if you added the correct ones to the dialogue this would read very smoothly!

I also kind of felt myself imagining these blurry faces. Maybe just a bit of subtle detail about what they look like, and what the room around them looks like..

Example:

“Who are you?” I asked *pushing the cream duvet off of me chest*, not really caring about my manners.--

Just little things like that that don't disrupt the flow but give us a bit more of what our scene looks like. That would help break up the dialogue a bit as well :)

Again, I think it's awesome that you're tackling such a difficult topic! I'm excited to see where it goes, and I hope this was a helpful review!

Feel free to rerequest, of course!

Jami

Author's Response: Thank you so much :) This was a really helpful review! I will look into getting a beta reader, because who doesn't need one of those! I kind of wanted James to be portrayed as a little bit spoilt, because that will help with portraying his character development :) Thank you again for such a helpful review!

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