|Review:||teh tarik says:|
Hello! teh tarik with your review request :)
Well, this is certainly far from terrible!
This is a lovely, endearing one-shot about sibling relationships, showing a particular moment in the life of Louis Weasley. The child's POV is pretty much spot-on.
There were monsters in the dark, Victoire had told him, monsters waiting to eat him: wolves, goblins, trolls, Acromantulas and Basilisks, all hungry and particularly liking the taste of blonde little boys named Louis Weasley.
This is a fantastic sentence in the opening paragraph; it's full of the 'scary details' of a child's imagination, and it also introduces Victoire Weasley's teasing, almost-scornful, older sister voice. From these little details the reader has a picture of Victoire's character, even though she doesn't really appear in the story.
Louis' description of his relationship with Dominique is just lovely!
Louis had decided he preferred Dominique. Dominique never told Louis scary stories, she never turned him blue or green, and she never made him sprout antlers or grow a fluffy tail, though once she had thrown her pudding at Louis.
The pudding had been difficult to wash out of his hair and Maman had not been happy, but it was still a delicious pudding, and Louis still loved Dominique very much.
This segment has been very carefully written, filled with detail and with a hint of surprise (e.g. the pudding part).
You've pretty much nailed the child's POV, as I mentioned earlier. Another surprise in the story is when Louis' POV shifts to Fleur's:
The corners of Fleur's mouth began to twitch as she took in the whole scene: bubbles everywhere, her two youngest children sopping wet, an old brush used to clean the toilets discarded on the floor, two of her strongest oven-cleaning products lying empty on the floor, and a huge watery stain on the carpet.
She was going to need a little discussion with Victoire about her younger siblings – getting them to give the cat a bath in a broom cupboard was high on the list of things not to do.
The transition from Louis to Fleur (and later back to Louis again) was done very smoothly; it was barely noticeable. Your narrative and shifting viewpoints are fluid, and the pacing of the story, while filled with delightful little details here and there, is careful but unforced.
There is a great sense of delicacy and lightness to your writing, probably to reflect the subject matter and the very memorable scene of the "bubbles"
What would it be like to be a bubble? He would float out through the door, out the window, and rise, high up in the sky, higher than James who never let Louis use his toy broom, higher than the dragons Uncle Charlie took care of, higher even than Teddy Lupin's tree house that Louis was not allowed to go in yet.
Teddy Lupin had said Louis would be able to go inside the tree house when he was four.
I absolutely adore this passage; this was done wonderfully and again, your characterisation and child's POV were pretty much flawless. I love how you compare the bubbles rising high into the sky not with the usual cliches like birds butterflies bees etc. but with things that Louis knows, and are special to him e.g. James' toy broom and teddy's tree house. And then the transition to the character of Teddy Lupin and to Louis' birthday - wow. That was just so fluid and unforced...
I'm running out of adjectives to describe your story :D
Anyway, to sum up: this is a delightful yet unsentimental story - a warm cheerful portrait of a family and the relationship between brothers and sisters. I couldn't find anything wrong with it - everything was just so carefully constructed and perfectly written from beginning to end. Well done!
Feel free to re-request at my review thread anytime :)
Author's Response: I have taken so long to answer this, whoops... I wanted to leave an insanely long answer, as long as your review, I really did, but all the compliments you've left me reduce me to the state of a puddle of goop.
So I will say this: THANK YOU :)
This story is one that I'm particularly proud of, so the fact I'm not the only one to like it makes me a very, very happy person.
Very, very happy.